Catching Up On Tweets

11 04 2013

I would just like to share that my daughter is singing Depeche Mode in the shower. I am such a proud mommy.
Feb 1

Yoda: “May the Force be with you.” Random kid on Star Tours: “And also with you.” <–Exactly what I always want to say!
Feb 2

When you see a Lamborghini race a Nissan on the freeway and lose you can know that you've seen the Worst Lamborghini Driver Ever.
Feb 3

Things you say while playing Wii Play Motion: Did Jesus and Voldemort just snorkel past?
Feb 5

My kids are cracking Jungle Cruise jokes at each other. I could not be more proud.
Feb 11

I don't mean to micromanage your job performance, Leia, but FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T LET THE SPIDER GET AWAY.
Feb 17

Kids happened to catch Wheel of Fortune for the first time ever and they are SO INTO IT.
Feb 27

When "Homey don't play that" falls out of your mouth for some reason, it will require you explaining all of 90's pop culture to your kids.
Feb 27

Hint: There's no explaining 90's pop culture.
Feb 27

Margie, regarding Delores Umbridge: "This lady is a common butt cheek."
Feb 28

Elliott has taken to wandering around the house and letting out long melodramatic sighs. I ask what's wrong and he says, "I miss Legoland."
Mar 1

Elliott, regarding ET: You know I starred in that movie. I played myself.
Mar 4

Elliott, regarding me tweeting everything he says: When you tweet about me, I become famous.
Mar 4

Never in the history of all the Fandoms have I shipped anything so hard as I shipped Sawyer and Juliet. ALL THE EXPLETIVES. ALL OF THEM.
Mar 7

Barista: "The large is the taller one and the small is the shorter one." I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP, PEOPLE.
Mar 8

The neighbor cat is such a bully to my cat. Sitting there on the fence. Just… sitting. What an asshole.
Mar 11

Elliott: "Shakespeare? He's from Doctor Who!" Thank goodness the BBC is there for my kids when I fail as a parent.
Mar 17

Starbucks barista: "Your name is Monney? Like my name but without an M?" You guys? His name was Sam.
Mar 20

Time for bed but I can't use the bathroom because the cat is eating a spider.
Mar 23

I must express my extreme relief at the fact that in Britain they pronounce the word "solder" exactly the way it should be pronounced.
Mar 26





January Tweets

17 02 2013

That awkward moment where Target skips Valentine’s Day and Easter to put out the summer stuff.
Jan 2

Watching Alice in Wonderland and Elliott got excited when he recognized the music from the teacups ride at Disneyland. #doingitbackwards
Jan 4

HOLYCRAP I NEVER REALIZED THAT PETER BILLINGSLEY WAS IN ELF. Dude.
Jan 4

The dinner I made tonight was unanimously declared “infinity delicious.” Here’s hoping the apple-pear crisp scores as well.
Jan 5

I guess VH1 ran out of decades to love because now they have a show called “Best of I Love the 80’s”. Desperation? Maybe, but I’m watching.
Jan 5

Remembering the 80’s makes me feel old. Remembering “I Love the 80’s” is like a punch in my old face. Look how young Craig Ferguson was! Oy.
Jan 5

And yet I’m so glad I’m a child of the 80’s because, like, what would I do if I couldn’t put the word “totally” in 40% of my sentences?
Jan 5

After I belted out the “My Buddy/Kid Sister” jingle, Margie asked: “But you made that song up, right? Because it’s terrible.”
Jan 5

The benefit to having geeky kids is that when I screw up the Mickey pancakes, they simply become Hidden Mickeys.
Jan 6

Five cop cars outside Starbucks. And still I stop for coffee. This is totally normal behavior.
Jan 8

I think three weeks of no lessons have changed my physiology so that I literally cannot be human before noon.
Jan 8

Someone needs to clone Jon Stewart. So that A) We can all marry Jon Stewart, and B) We can populate the world with Jon Stewart.
Jan 8

Lady at Ikea just spent no less than 15 minutes loudly discussing how her child is ALLLLLLMOST tall enough for the playroom.
Jan 11

Everyone on Facebook is listing what they’re drinking and watching on Netflix. Not totally sure yet, but leaning towards mocha and Sherlock.
Jan 12

Although I think I missed the point since my mocha isn’t alcoholic.
Jan 12

I just want to say that last night in some areas of San Diego it got down to 13 DEGREES. #deargodsaveusall
Jan 12

This weather is pretty much exactly the plot of The Day After Tomorrow. So. You know. Watch out for random wolves.
Jan 12

That said, I’m heading outside now. If I don’t return, send Jake Gyllenhaal.
Jan 12

Doctor Who and Instagram presented my dream last night in which I took a photo of a sunset & dolphins through a wall of (psychic?) bubbles.
Jan 15

Because the kids’ medical insurance is changing they temporarily want me to MAIL MY PAYMENTS TO THEM like it’s 1997 or some shit. Lame.
Jan 15

Elliott: “What the what heck? Cuss poop stupid. Butt crap.” What the what heck, indeed.
Jan 19

Sometimes Margie tricks me into letting her stay up late with requests like, “No, do tell me all about Herman’s Hermits.”
Jan 19

Instead of sleeping I: learned about Sacajawea, googled the link between PMS and insomnia, read Anne of Green Gables. Need pots of coffee.
Jan 23

Oh. Also I scooped the litter box at 4am. Because that’s normal.
Jan 23

I survived Sea World on only 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I deserve an award. And that award should be sleep.
Jan 24

Rainy night on San Diego freeways means people driving anywhere between 33 and 80 mph. Yay.
Jan 26

I went yarning with @bethanyactually, walked to my car in the rain, and drove home listening to Patsy Cline. It was a lovely evening.
Jan 26

You know what, Uterus? I give up. You just go ahead and have a period whenever the heck you feel like it. Whatever.
Jan 30

No but really. It’s a lovely day and we are RIGHT NEXT TO a park. If your kids need to run and scream, take them out of the library. Gah.
Jan 31

Margie: I have a salad and a sandwich. I feel like I’m at Disneyland ALREADY.
Jan 31





The rest of 7 Days and the Tweets for the last two months.

5 01 2013

Because I think the only people who read this blog have already heard all my tweets and seen all my pictures, but someday my old, senile future self will be reading through old diaries and will be all like, “BUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? DID THE APOCALYPSE HAPPEN AFTER ALL? IS THAT WHY THERE ARE NO MORE 7 DAYS PICTURES??” This is for you, future senile self.

7 Days: Day 4 (Bony)

You know what’s stupid? How 5:30 becomes 7am without me even being asleep. Also that no one is making me bacon.
Nov 1

Honestly, Hogwarts really needs to implement some sort of anti-bullying policy. Why do the teachers never discipline the Slytherins?
Nov 1

Sometimes I think The Universe is sending people to slow me down & block me at every turn & then I remember I’m just driving on the freeway.
Nov 3

I was just about to head up into bed when I realized it’s only 9. You win again, Standard Time.
Nov 4

I say “up into” like I have stairs. Don’t believe it. It’s a sleep-deprived lie.
Nov 4

Sometimes I think someone is breaking in, but then it turns out it’s just the cat being “graceful” again.
Nov 6

“A Weimaraner hanging in the balance.” <–Best election quote ever. Even though I have no idea WTF it means.
Nov 6

It's the daily morning fight over who gets to sit in the sink and drink water from the tap. My position: NO ONE. The cat disagrees.
Nov 7

What kind of a world do we live in where Starbucks starts to run out of Salted Caramel Mochas before Thanksgiving?
Nov 9

Furthermore, what kind of a world do we live in where baristas think it's ok to ask, "We ran out of the salt, is that OK?" NO, IT IS NOT OK.
Nov 9

7 Days: Day 5 (Disneyland Geek)

Between the flea meds and the new sticky tape couch protectors, the cat is having a Very Bad Evening.
Nov 10

Hunting tip: If you meow at your prey, they will know you’re hunting them.
Nov 11

Elliott: Nobody ever forgets they’re in National City!!
Nov 14

Facebook is having a general funeral for Twinkies. What happened while I was in the shower? This is why we need waterproof internet.
Nov 16

Related: NOW what will we eat when the zombie apocalypse happens?
Nov 16

Two people just walked by and checked out my car’s ass. I know. My car is hot.
Nov 16

Attempted to see Cloud Atlas but it was FUCKING CANCELED FOR TWILIGHT. I just… No words. Moving to another planet.
Nov 17

My DSLR stopped working today. Hold me.
Nov 18

A watched pot never boils. But if I don’t watch it, I’ll forget it and burn the house down. Catch-22.
Nov 20

In other news I got a catalog addressed to my mom in the mail today. It’s entirely devoted to suspenders. I may keep this catalog forever.
Nov 21

So many suspenders! X-back AND Y-back style, hidden ones, maternity ones, one that looks like a ruler, camo for hunting, hip ones for teens.
Nov 21

I am one tiny, awkward, stripped screw away from a fixed camera. Mercury Retrograde, you are on my shit list.
Nov 21

WALT’S APARTMENT! YES! #EpicMickey #DisneylandNerd
Nov 23

When a person chooses to go into the military, how do they choose which branch to join? Is there a sorting hat for that, too?
Nov 26

Elliott: Have you ever seen an elephant naked? NO you haven’t. Because you never saw elephants.
Nov 27

Oops. I got another cat.
Nov 28

This cat sheds SO MUCH. And I’m warning you now that someday I *will* be that lady who spins her cat’s fur into yarn.
Nov 29

7 Days: Day 6 (Clearance Shopping)

I decided to leave the house today. That was obviously a stupid decision.
Dec 1

“Do They Know it’s Christmas” is one of the worst and most offensive Christmas songs I love and will never stop listening to.
Dec 1

When you put on pajamas before 3pm, 7:43 feels like midnight. #wisdom
Dec 1

Because, really, who shows dominance by humping their peers? #neverhavingaboycatagain #natureisfuckedup #traumatized
Dec 2

You know how it is when you try to turn off the car but accidentally turn off the radio because they’re just buttons next to each other? #PriusProblems
Dec 3

It’s so hard to have to ride the Jungle Cruise with people who don’t understand the Jungle Cruise.
Dec 4

I consistently get the lyrics to “Winter Wonderland” wrong so that I am always getting married by a circus clown.
Dec 9

Elliott, to Leia: Don’t sneeze on my face, please. It’s very expensive.
Dec 10

No, but really. Neiman Marcus at Target made me die a little inside.
Dec 10

PSA: If you watch Lost and play Epic Mickey in the same general time frame, your brain will make up very strange dreams.
Dec 13

Ok, Internet, I’m going to Toys R Us on a Sunday in December. If you don’t hear from me, send help.
Dec 16

Well that was oddly painless. Just another sign of the impending apocalypse, I guess.
Dec 16

7 Days: Day 7 (Nudist Colony)

If there is one thing Lost gave us that we should never forget and that we should always hold in our hearts, it’s time-traveling bunnies.
Dec 17

It’s the holiday season and I am incapable of producing adequate bokeh with any of my working cameras. My soul is a little bit dead.
Dec 19

I wish someone would recut all of Lost into chronological order. You know. Just for fun.
Dec 19

At least if the world ends tomorrow I’ll be free of this ant problem.
Dec 20

Autocorrect, sometimes I don’t understand you. But just now you correctly changed “slogghy” to “slightly” and I want to thank you for that.
Dec 22

Dammit, Brain, if you’re going to wake me at 5:30, you better figure out how to telekinetically bring me coffee in bed.
Dec 26

“Clean up your stuff before I steal your AT-AT.” <–A thing I just said to my son.
Dec 26

NO IT'S OK I DON'T NEED SLEEP I'LL JUST STAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT LONG AGAIN
Dec 28

Related: Googling Ed Wynn at 3am and I finally get the joke: Ed Wynn = Edwin #only34yearslate #thankgodimcute
Dec 28

Related: IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL TO GOOGLE ED WYNN AT 3AM. Don't judge.
Dec 28

Apparently Hot Dog on a Stick sells hot dogs not on sticks now. What kind of blasphemy is this?
Dec 29

Just overheard a kid in the the mall yell, "Hi, Grandma!" at a random old lady. Kids are awesome. As are old ladies.
Dec 29

Ok so WTF with the new trend where people play music on their phones loudly while shopping? Cause STOP IT, PEOPLE.
Dec 29





(Pretend this is a real post.) Here are the things I Tweeted.

7 11 2012

I wonder if Uther Pendragon’s anti-magic policies were a leading factor in creation of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy? #nerd
Oct 1

The wise Depeche Mode once asked, “What makes a man hate another man?” I found the answer: stupid drivers. They make me hate them.
Oct 3

My cat thinks every afternoon is a very good time for a marathon nap. My cat is wise beyond his months.
Oct 4

Just passed the new library (in the mall) which boasts that it’s family friendly. Oh good. I was worried it was the other kind of library.
Oct 6

I am 34 1/2. Today, for the first time ever, I got sunburned on my shins. I’m going to write this in my baby book.
Oct 7

The cat is battling the Evil Shoebox of Doom. Thank god he’s here to protect us. From. Shoeboxes.
Oct 9

My TV is old and ghetto and doesn’t do widescreen so the Coin Wash in #DrHorrible said “OIN WAS” & now I’m dying to know what Oin was doing.
Oct 9

Arthur to Merlin, “It’s almost as if my mother is… part of me.” Funny how that science shit works, huh?
Oct 10

Elliott, looking at the sunset: It looks like there’s a fire! And also a curse!
Oct 11

I just don’t understand why bacon isn’t a balanced diet.
Oct 14

I hate it when Google corrects my KPBS to PBS. Back off my local public television station, Google.
Oct 14

In other news, I love it that Steven Keaton worked at a public television station. Even as a kid I got nerdily excited about that.
Oct 14

There are oats in this apple crisp. Therefore: breakfast.
Oct 17

There are oats in this apple crisp. Therefore: lunch.
Oct 17

I feel a little smug that I’m the only person at the gym watching Netflix on the phone while I exercise.
Oct 17

Seeing two grasshoppers in one day is pretty much definitely a plague, right?
Oct 18

I’m going start a rumor that there’s a Weeping Angel at the back of the cemetery in the Haunted Mansion.
Oct 19

“Look! Those lions killed that zebra AND THEY’RE GOING TO EAT IT!” <–New favorite Jungle Cruise line.
Oct 19

All I'm asking is for Matthew Crawley to exist, to do so in this decade, and to marry me. I think that's a perfectly reasonable request.
Oct 20

I'm sitting in a rocking chair, knitting and watching Masterpiece. It's official. I'm 70.
Oct 20

Do all nuclear power plants look like boobs or are we just lucky?
Oct 25

Today I went to Santa Ana during a Santa Ana. If I HAVE to deal with super dry weather, I'm at least glad it's matchy-matchy.
Oct 25

My sink is full of dirty dishes. Time to move.
Oct 27

Elliott, excited about dinner: Mom, you're the best maker! Because everything you make is always good!
Oct 30

Elliott, traumatized on seeing the people (not Lego) version of Crystal Skull for the first time: But why are Indiana Jones and Marion OLD??
Oct 30





Tweets from September

4 10 2012

The weather is so stupid today that even the floors are hot.
Sep 1

Feeling sorry for myself and lack of BBC America so instead I’m Dalek-hunting in Better Off Ted. I forgot how much I loved this show.
Sep 1

Woke up this morning and found the cantaloupe on the floor across the dining room. Life with a cat. Or a ghost.
Sep 2

What I learned from the Cat ER while watching a marathon of Call of the Wildman on Animal Planet. This exists: http://www.farmersonly.com
Sep 4

Because city folks just don’t understand.
Sep 4

Just to be clear. That’s “Farmer Dating.”
Sep 4

Dear Cat, I’m glad your happy to be feeling better but can you please use your words to say thanks instead of being so bitey? Kthx.
Sep 4

Margie, insulting her brother (um. Or something): Your feet smell like ice cream pudding.
Sep 5

Blasting 10,000 Maniacs like I’m some heavy metal punk rock hard core chick. Or some other words.
Sep 5

When I turned 16 I requested they play me a song called Hateful Hate about imperialism in Africa. That’s normal, right? #10000maniacs #nerd
Sep 5

The cat responds better to my Mom Look than my own kids do. Maybe I should start squirting them with water, too.
Sep 7

Elliott (no frakking clue what the context was): But I don’t wanna be pregnant!
Sep 7

Note to self: Next time don’t wear a black shirt to the vet.
Sep 7

In other veterinary news: It’s ok, I didn’t need that $500 anyway.
Sep 7

At least I have Neil Diamond to sing away my sorrows.
Sep 7

In other other veterinary news, why isn’t “scrotum” as funny as “balls”. Neutering a cat makes him less funny by comic law.
Sep 7

Trying to knit with a kitten is like… trying to knit with a kitten.
Sep 8

I’m glad the rain waited until we were finished kayaking.
Sep 9

BOOM. PAJAMAS.
Sep 9

In rereading Life, The Universe & Everything, I’m surprised to find that Slartibartfast is no longer played by Bill Nighy, but by Gandalf.
Sep 10

Related: AUTOCORRECT KNOWS “SLARTIBARTFAST”. Dude.
Sep 10

I just said, “Gross-a-roo.” Apparently Punky Brewster really does live in your brain for more than 20 years.
Sep 11

I bought an electric pencil sharpener. Today the kids were lined up to use it. All two kids. All my pencils are sharp now. All of them.
Sep 13

Annnnnd now all the colored pencils are also sharpened. You looking for a sharp writing utensil? I’ve got your back.
Sep 13

It’s not even noon and already the weather app on my computer says it’s 2 degrees hotter than the high of 100. I HAVE NO WORDS.
Sep 15

Went to watch a trailer on IMDB. Had to sit through a commercial first. A commercial before a… commercial. Welcome to 2012.
Sep 18

Why does Frodo think it’s socially acceptable to just walk in and pee in front of me? (BTW, I’m talking about the cat, not the hobbit.)
Sep 19

Margie: If you weren’t my mom, I’d think of you as my… great grandma or something. Because you say all kinds of weird stuff.
Sep 19

Tonight the cat decided to start trying to figure out door knobs. You guys? I’m kinda freaking out.
Sep 19

The cat’s tail is being an asshole. He will GET THAT TAIL if it’s th- OH WAIT LASER!
Sep 20

Just taught Elliot the Time Warp. Margie didn’t join us because she doesn’t “do kid stuff like that.”
Sep 29

Elliott, to Margie: Don’t call me whiiiiiiinnnnnnyyyyyy!
Sep 29





Because I need to blog SOMETHING. Here are August Tweets.

15 09 2012

If no one sees me being unproductive, am I still getting nothing done?
Aug 1

My motto is: Who needs productivity? Eat more chocolate!
Aug 1

Oh my gosh, I haven’t checked Pinterest since yesterday. Who am I, even?
Aug 3

Elliott: What if every Thursday was my birthday? That would be surprising and exciting. And scary.
Aug 4

I just fried up two onions. And then ate almost two fried onions.
Aug 4

Little Pete always has the best rude names. From now on I’m calling all jerks “cheese plugs”.
Aug 5

ALSO THEY JUST CALLED LITTLE PETE A TIME LORD.
Aug 5

Pictures of Mars from just 14 minutes ago. The Universe just got a little smaller. ❤
Aug 5

Margie lost another tooth yesterday. Me: "But this one you lost legitimately. Without having to bang your head on the sidewalk." #awesomemom
Aug 6

Now that we live in the future and have magic stuff like closed captioning I know that the Pete & Pete song is about Sandy, who has a dog.
Aug 6

I considered going to the gym tonight, but instead I came home and made cookies.
Aug 8

A word of advice. If you're going to call the wrong number, wait until its not 6am anymore. Or I might have to stab you.
Aug 10

Elliott: He's the best cat in the Universe. Other cats are fine, but this one is the awesomest and cutest.
Aug 10

At this moment I am boiling eggs, baking donuts, and making "coffee" (and tweeting about it). I don't multitask well. Wish me luck.
Aug 10

Also? The cat is LITERALLY bouncing off walls. And I mean literally literally.
Aug 10

Did not get eaten by mountain lions. Go me.
Aug 12

I may not remember which baby did what, but, dammit, I remember all the words to the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen song. I has priorities.
Aug 16

Whenever Margie says, "This one time?" I follow it with, "At band camp?" Someday she's going to learn how very inappropriate it is. Awesome.
Aug 16

Singing the He-Man theme to the cat? Who me?
Aug 16

Elliott, playing at the park with two friends: Stop fighting or I'll never adopt you again!
Aug 17

You know what makes me stabby? Lots of things, it turns out.
Aug 17

Elliott, while cuddling: Can I smell your eyeball?
Aug 18

Since its 2012 I figure it's about time I get around to watching Raising Arizona.
Aug 18

Obviously it's been way too long since I've watched Arrested Development because I had forgotten that WASH WAS MARRIED TO DIANE COURT. Dude.
Aug 19

Started reading Anansi Boys and I SWEAR TO GODS a spider just crawled across me. I blame @neilhimself and his damn magic writing.
Aug 19

So this morning my arms kinda hurt. I wonder if one of you guys could send up my lady's maid to help me get dressed? Kthx.
Aug 20

I think the kitten is nursing in his sleep.
Aug 20

Dude, you guys. I saw someone using a pay phone. Elliott: "What's a pay phone?" EXACTLY.
Aug 23

My kids are driving me crazy this week. I can't wait until school starts and I can send them to… Oh. Wait.
Aug 23

Oh all that screaming coming from my house? That was just me dealing with a spider. Like a badass.
Aug 23

In other news I just finished watching The Second Coming with Christopher Eccleston and it was AMAZING.
Aug 23

And just to tie everything in my life together (like The Universe does) there was a Jedi-mind trick bit in there like Spider in Anansi Boys.
Aug 23

I am so glad I'm not related to gods (and possibly Jedi). They are hard work. (Still willing to marry Loki and/or Obi-Wan.)
Aug 23

Today's Pete & Pete: Steve Buscemi, Janeane Garofolo, Gordon Gano. MY GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW.
Aug 24

Tonight's edition of Movies Bonnie is Finally getting Around to Watching: The Crow.
Aug 25

I think I might be bowling next to Scott Baio.
Aug 27

I feel unsupportive shipping Willow and Oz when I know she's going to come out in a few seasons but damn they're adorable together.
Aug 27

Just got cut off in traffic by a nun. True story.
Aug 30

Found a story I started writing a few years ago. No idea where I was going with it, but really wish I'd finished so I can KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
Aug 30





July Tweets

3 08 2012

I’ve now found FIVE spiders and/or silverfish in my sink and/or bathtub in the last three days. WTF, UNIVERSE?
Jul 1

Does it still count as procrastination if you’re doing other work to procrastinate the work you’re procrastinating?
Jul 1

Just for a second there, the Arthur Dent in my head had David Tennant’s voice. That I was not expecting. My imagination is very confused.
Jul 1

I can already tell that the Golgafrinchans from Restaurant at the End of the Universe will be played by the cast of Battlestar Galactica.
Jul 1

You know what’s worse than the shower scene in Psycho? That, but with a fat black spider threatening to climb in with you. Hobo bath it is.
Jul 4

San Diego has decided to celebrate Independence Day with winter. (Better than scary aliens, IMO.)
Jul 4

My kids just discovered where their tears come from. Their tear holes. #technicalterm #science
Jul 6

Was dreaming about checking out vinyl from the library. Just like back in the dark ages. *wistful sigh*
Jul 7

Waking up. Step 1: Lay in bed checking interwebz on phone. Step 2: See step 1.
Jul 7

Some guy just left me a voicemail offering to bring me cardboard, telling me his foot was swollen, and hoping I had a good time.
Jul 7

Clearly he was Oedipus. I mean. Except for the cardboard.
Jul 7

I just discovered ume plum vinegar. It tastes EXACTLY like saladitos. MY LIFE IS CHANGED.
Jul 7

Eyeballs are weird.
Jul 7

I’m having a kind of hard day today and this emo version of Mad World is not helping. #NeedMuppets
Jul 7

I forgot to put that plum vinegar on my bachelor dinner so now I have to have second dinner.
Jul 7

My Best Friend’s Wedding: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HER CELL PHONE.
Jul 8

My Best Friend’s Wedding: OMG BRENDA CHENOWITH IS ONE OF THE BRIDESMAIDS.
Jul 8

My Best Friend’s Wedding: OMG HOW DOES SHE EVEN HAVE A BEST FRIEND WITH ALL THE CRAZY HORRIBLE SHIT SHE DOES.
Jul 8

My Best Friend’s Wedding: I love the ending to this movie. Best romantic comedy ever. (What does that say about me?) (Don’t answer that.)
Jul 8

I hope you love it when I tweet in all caps after having discovered someone famous is in something I haven’t seen in years. Because…
Jul 9

OMG STEVE BUSCEMI IS TOTALLY IN PETE AND PETE.
Jul 9

Chicken nuggets and fruit leather for dinner tonight. My bachelorette dinner has been demoted past bachelor all the way to toddler dinner.
Jul 9

“But if you don’t unpack all your stuff will smell like box!” <–Fanny's after my heart. #bunheads
Jul 9

Not that I unpack right away. Cause I don't. Instead I walk around smelling like box. But the point stands.
Jul 9

Ohhh so Paradise is supposed to be SoCal? Why does it look so NorCal?? #bunheads
Jul 9

Margie: I want to reread Harry Potter, but I don't want to just read it; I want to BE at Hogwarts. <–We know, babe. We know.
Jul 10

Elliott: I don't want my name to be Elliott when I grow up. I'm going to change my name to David Tennant.
Jul 10

So Kung Fu Panda 2 is about an evil peacock? Awesome.
Jul 11

At the library watching an animal show. Just discovered that PORCUPINES ARE THE CUTEST ANIMALS EVER. EVER.
Jul 11

Nope. Baby gators are the cutest. GAH.
Jul 11

K. I'm gonna stop with the baby gator cause now they brought out an opossum. #90%teeth
Jul 11

The opossum is growing on me. She is really cute. For an opossum.
Jul 11

I may or may not be reading my tweets out loud to myself trying to figure out what my "all-caps voice" sounds like.
Jul 11

OMG WON'T SOMEONE MAKE A LOG LADY/LOG FROM BLAMMO MASHUP TSHIRT?? *hint, hint, universe*
Jul 12

(Margie would like it noted that she was highly influential in the formation of the idea from my previous tweet.)
Jul 12

Watching local news coverage of #SDCC and I TOTALLY FOUND WALDO.
Jul 13

My insurance company just mailed me a check for $1.25. So, who wants to go party?
Jul 13

IS GOING TO COMIC CON!
Jul 14

Watching shows from the 90's makes all the jeans look like mom jeans.
Jul 14

I may or may not be slightly in love with Rupert Giles. #Buffy
Jul 14

We're either in line for the Doctor Who panel or we're wasting 3 hours of our lives. I'll let you know which later.
Jul 15

HOLY CRAP I AM IN THE SAME ROOM AS THE DOCTOR!
Jul 15

Home. Now I'm waiting for my servants to cook the dinner, put everything away, and massage my legs. Where are those servants, anyway?
Jul 15

I don't know if 9pm counts as bedtime, but it is. Bedtime, I mean.
Jul 15

The problem with bedtimes before 10:30 is that I inevitably take an un-nap around 2am. Every time.
Jul 16

I'm stabby and cry-y and there's no one here to make me food and I forgot kale when I went to the grocery store. #crybaby #sick
Jul 16

Robin Sherbatsky's dad just regenerated from Victor Newman to Leland Palmer? The fuck?
Jul 16

Salted in-shell sunflower seeds. For when you need to stay dehydrated. (I regret nothing.)
Jul 17

If I hear a noise and it's not followed by screaming, can I assume it's a firecracker and not a gunshot?
Jul 18

And if I hear another noise and it's followed by a fireworky crackle, I can assume my first assumption was right, right?
Jul 18

Because I am TOTALY NOT PANICKING or anything.
Jul 18

There is a housefly buzzing around my head while I'm trying to fall asleep and I find this irrationally terrifying. Save me?
Jul 18

Margie gave me the rest of her in-shell sunflower seeds. It was such a sweet gift. Also, she's an enabler.
Jul 20

It's not fair playing Doctor Who Scene It with my kids – they always take the best playing pieces. At least I always win.
Jul 20

Watching a documentary on King Arthur. Turns out love was considered an illness in the middle ages. Treated with sex. Makes sense.
Jul 20

I'm hearing what sounds like an army of angry ducks somewhere in the neighborhood. #neverleavingthehouseagain
Jul 21

You know how sometimes you think, "Oh pasta won't take that long to cook" but then 20 minutes before dinnertime you realize chicken does?
Jul 23

Tonights litter-box-changing lesson was interrupted by a how-to-use-the-litter-box demonstration. Thanks, cat.
Jul 23

Also, he seemed really offended that we'd dare remove his poos and pees. YOU'RE WELCOME, CAT.
Jul 23

Sometimes? TYPING IN ALL CAPS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING MORE OUT OF MY 140 CHARACTERS SINCE THE LETTERS ARE BIGGER.
Jul 24

I love watching Lost because I know I'd make better decisions than most of the characters. It's so relaxing to always be right.
Jul 24

And how come no one ever sings that other Drive Shaft song that never got released? (Charlie totally just brought me to tears.)
Jul 24

(Truth be told, Charlie almost always brings me to tears.)
Jul 24

Do you have any idea how hard it is to wake up and check the Interwebz on my phone when there is a cat who hasn't been pet in SEVEN HOURS?
Jul 25

There was an earthquake in LA today. The first I heard of it was on Twitter from @simonpegg who is in London. Must be 2012.
Jul 25

Violent Femmes: "How long can the days go on?" Elliott: "24 hours. How does he not know that?"
Jul 25

I love pinning stuff to my TIAW board. It makes me feel like all my time on Pinterest is justified.
Jul 27

Honestly? I should be the commenter for the Opening Ceremonies. I am way better than these NBC people.
Jul 27

Why yes I did just fall down an Internet rabbit hole and wind up reading the complete history of the eleven Inspectors. #InspectorSpacetime
Jul 29

Got the cat microchipped today. Now I sort of never want to pet him again. #thingsundertheskinarecreepy
Jul 30

Just a quick trip to Ikea. Said no one ever.
Jul 31

Well, the nice thing about breaking your mandoline slicer is that at least you don't have to wash it. #optimism #orsomething #thursday
Jul 31

I just rolled over my own toe. This is the part of today where I curl up in bed and just give up.
Jul 31