Lately I am like a stopped-up sink. So many thoughts, but I can’t get them out. If I find a thought, it’s soon lost among the rest of them swirling around.
Probably related somehow: I feel like a dolphin lost in fathomless black water, with nothing around to echolocate off of.
There are a lot of issues coming up in my spiritual-emotional journey that I haven’t any idea what to do with.
I’ve had a cold for almost two weeks now. That’s stupid.
And I accidentally got a new cat yesterday. There is a story there, but I don’t feel like I can share it without proper pictures of her, but my camera is broken.
MY CAMERA. IS BROKEN.
There is one tiny, awkwardly placed screw standing between me and a fixed camera. Because I am convinced I can fix it by myself.
Other things I can do now? Win video games. I didn’t even think I could play video games, but then all of a sudden I’d bought Epic Mickey.
It’s almost December and I only just admitted out loud this week that this year really isn’t as amazing as I had hoped. It’s definitely not 2011 again, and of course my logical brain realizes that it was too much to expect this year to be good, but I’ve just been trying so hard to not be depressed, or maybe just to not acknowledge depression. Which, of course, never serves anyone well. I guess I was just so sick of complaining that I wanted to pretend I didn’t have to. On the other hand, maybe this just is part of the journey.
Have I shared this here, yet? This is my next tattoo. When I finally (only 15 years after I started) finished reading The Lord of the Rings, Frodo (the Hobbit, not the cat) said this about their return to the Shire. I put it into a spiral because Claire once pointed out to me that as you grow, your path spirals around and around so that the same things keep coming up. The point of spiritual growth, though, is that you hope to be further along and dig deeper in each time you reach that point again. So perhaps I’ve just been hibernating; resting up until the next step presents itself.
But the thing that really gets me about everything is that my camera. is. BROKEN. I don’t even understand how to operate my life if I can’t manually focus when I need to.