Tweets From October

2 11 2011

It’s a fictional-character-studded day at the Fire Dept. so far I’ve seen Lucile Bluth, River Song, and Wash from Firefly.
1 Oct

Elliott: You mean raisins just look like poop but aren’t actually poop?
1 Oct

My kids are awesome. ♥
2 Oct

Got the car washed, stepped out, got my leg wet. Assumed it was a drip of water, ignored it. Later realized it was a trail of foam. Sexy.
3 Oct

Tonight Margie and I are watching Harry Potter and the Year of Too-Long Hair.
3 Oct

Last night I dreamed I had to run an errand at my high school where I ran into Mr. Atienza and Professor Snape.
5 Oct

Will someone please save me from the 9yo who wants to talk about Club Penguin 48 hours a day? 10 months of this will make the crazy happen.
5 Oct

Without a doubt the most satisfying part of taking care of my mom’s affairs was clicking “unsubscribe” on the Bill O’Reilly emails.
5 Oct

Elliott: I hurt my hair. So I can’t clean the table.
6 Oct

Living like a vampire today: blinds drawn, mostly sleeping, watching marathons of Psych and Mad Men. Yep. Just like a vampire.
8 Oct

SHUT UP DAVID DUCHOVNY IS IN TWIN PEAKS?! *headexplodes*
9 Oct

Elliott, loudly: POO POO RHYMES WITH BARF!!!
11 Oct

Oh I see. It’s the kind of day where I find a young brown widow has built a web on my FUCKING KITCHEN COUNTER.
12 Oct

Michael’s just made an announcement over the intercom to me, specifically, that they’d be with me in 20 minutes. I couldn’t make this up.
12 Oct

Elliott: You wanna hear a joke? 7 o’clock rhymes with the 7th Doctor!
12 Oct

Stupid Tooth Fairy forgot to come last night. Where do I complain?
17 Oct

Oh Richard Alpert, you’ll always be Batmanuel to me.
18 Oct

I have two sewing machines on my kitchen floor. That’s normal.
21 Oct

Did you know Cary Elwes name is actually Ivan? Me neither. WEIRD.
22 Oct

It’s almost 7. That’s bedtime, right?
23 Oct

The thing about early bedtimes is that my body thinks it’s a nap and that I’m done about 1am and ready to wake up.
24 Oct

Elliott’s joke: You know why Santa’s legs never exist? Because he’s always wearing pants!
25 Oct

And then Old Navy emailed me my receipt. 2011, sometimes you still surprise me.
26 Oct

Have the people at Off the Record always been this snobby and annoying and I just never noticed?
27 Oct

It seems like such a shame to throw away phone bills from 1972 when they’ve lasted this long. But I’m throwing them away anyway.
27 Oct

In 1978 gas cost 62 cents. I need a time machine real bad.
27 Oct

Margie’s reading my award-winning second grade story and mocking it. Someone protect me from her?
28 Oct

Two of the Muppet nail polishes are named with Will Smith references. That’s weird.
28 Oct

DIY brain surgery on Fringe and DIY appendix surgery (on the beach) on Lost- WTF happened to JJ Abrams as a child?
29 Oct

Finally heard the new iPhone’s talky voice thing and it sounds like GLaDOS from Portal. I can’t decide if that’s awesome or terrifying.
30 Oct

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