The Sad and the Happy

30 06 2011

1. I’ve been having random anxiety attacks this week. They are not about anything serious, but sometimes they are in the middle of the night, interfering with my sleep (which, in turn, interferes with my ability to handle them like a sane person) and the sheer amount of them is tiring. Like a bunch of preschool bullies ganging up on me. Except anxiety attacks and not small children. So that much less cute. Also that much less creepy if you happen to live in a horror movie.

2. My son has been getting hives again this week. In the middle of the night. He’s had mysterious hives twice before in his life, both incidences occurring during the summer months. The last time was two summers ago, but I always wondered if they’d come back. We never found a cause and it’s frustrating and a little scary and so very sad to watch him feel so miserable.

3. Add those two items together and count me too tired to have to deal with:

4. Lots of “growth” in my life right now. I put growth in quotes, not because it’s untrue, but because it feels more like “shit” at the moment and somehow that made it seem like it deserved sarcasm.

5. Also lots of judgement in my life right now. I don’t know why it’s wearing on me so much right now, but I just can’t tolerate people making judgments about other people right now and it makes me mad and sad and bitchy and it makes me open my big fat mouth and try to nicely tell people to STFU. And I don’t know why it feels so personal right now, perhaps because as I move farther into low-income status I feel more judged myself. It may also be that as I move farther into my work with SOAM and TIAW I see more sides to more stories and I feel hurt for people who might not have the same opportunities as other people, and it pisses me off when people get all snobby about the choices others make. Either way, added to everything else, it’s drained me this week.

6. PMS. Need I say more?

Now that I’ve vented all that, here’s some recent Happy:

Happy Thing: Reading Harry Potter to Margie

Happy Thing: Jacarandas in Bloom

Happy Thing: Quietly Enjoying the Beach While The Kids Play

Happy Thing: FANCY ASS Mochas in a FANCY ASS Chocolate Shop

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9 responses

30 06 2011
Summer

I love you. It’s been a hard week for me, too.

30 06 2011
Sonja

This week has chewed me up and spit me out. I’m glad it’s over soon.

30 06 2011
clearheart

Well.
Lots of astrologers are saying that this upcoming eclipse in Cancer (tomorrow) will ease a lot of the transitional pain we’ve been experiencing. But it also means we have reached a major crossroads – meaning decisions are in order. The combination of energies going on wants us to ACT. Advice from Cancer – do it in a fluid (water) and feminine way. The Karmic Astrologer I’ve been learning with said this to me just today in regards to this energy: “We must do something different, which also means not participating in what keeps us divided.”
Which brings me to number 5 on your list. You are working on not participating. There is a lot of work in consciously standing up and speaking your truth. It is stressful and not well appreciated in our world. Clearly to me, this is your emerging work in this world. Your dharma. To speak up for the ones who can’t at this time. To show us all what else there is to see. To put a light on those dark and hidden places. And girl, is it needed. Bowing deep to you my friend.
You must find every way possible to take the best care of yourself that you can.
Also? Thanks for giving me PMS.

30 06 2011
ZebraBelly

Well, you gave my son hives. It’s only fair.

30 06 2011
clearheart

Touche

30 06 2011
Corey

I love you, Bonnie.

That tree is beautiful. What is it?

And, every time I think I have turned my judgment dial down to zero I am humbled yet again, usually by something random. Now that I am visiting with my dad more and more I now know where I learned it. He’s awful about it!

30 06 2011
ZebraBelly

It’s a jacaranda, Corey. I impressed myself knowing a tree that you didn’t! I love Jacarandas so so much. In the Spring CV and San Diego, too, are just dotted with purple. It’s so lovely.

And the toenails glow weirdly b/c of whatever filter I used on the iPhone app.

And I am sure I still judge situations, too. And I sure as hell used to. But I become more and more open which is, I think, how we are supposed to go so you and I are doing OK, Corey.

30 06 2011
Corey

Oh! and HOW did you get your toenails to glow like that while backlit?? That’s so cool.

2 07 2011
bethanyactually

I miss jacarandas. Sigh. I sincerely hope we will be living in the land of jacarandas again by this time next year!

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