It’s so funny how The Universe works. I’ve been living the same essential situation over and over again recently in various forms and events, each time with different people involved – sometimes just as a witness and not an active participant at all. But at the core, they have such striking similarities. One element involved is my own sense of self being nurtured (or, sometimes, simply shocked into awakeness) and guided through a period of growth. My sense of what is right and wrong. My sense of being able to see when I am less than in control of a situation I am involved in. My sense of gaining control in a firm and loving and open-minded way. And you know what? Growth hurts. It’s really damn painful.
But one thing that just keeps coming up over and over again is the tendency our society has to keep Ugly Shit private. I just can’t be so sure that’s the right thing to do. I feel like we are meant to be surrounded by our fellow women in times of trial. I feel like we need each other around for support, to offer guidance and advice and other points of view, to witness things that are being said. Guidance and support speak for themselves, but I want to add in that I think having a witness is so important to keeping people careful of the emotions involved, and also simply in keeping things moving along. A witness, even just sitting quietly, helps to keep Shit from getting stagnant.
Of course none of this flies because it makes people feel uncomfortable and we still have this leftover Victorian etiquette shit where we daren’t make people uncomfortable. The thing is, though, is that Life is often really fucking uncomfortable. Physically and emotionally. And so when people complain about things being said publicly making then feel uncomfortable, I kind of want to scream, “TOO DAMN BAD!”
Society has steered us so wrong in so many places, and I can’t help but wonder if this is one of those things. By shoving us into privacy we lose out on the chance to connect more fully with our fellow women. We miss out on the opportunity to LEARN from each other. We really, deeply hurt ourselves by not allowing ourselves to be that open in front of our friends, our sisters. It makes my heart ache for all the loss we bring upon ourselves.
I am curious to hear what you think on this. Is there an angle I’m not seeing here? I keep running this all through in my mind but I keep coming back to this: Working through Shit publicly, surrounded by loving people, seems so much more desirable to me, even if it is uncomfortable. The alternative, as far as I can see, is surface-comfort, but so much more loss at deeper levels.