I woke up this morning way too early, had some breakfast, got in the car, drove away. And noticed a light blinking at me: BRAKE.
Awwwwww, c’mon Universe! WTF?
And then I threw a spiritual and emotional tantrum.
When I was younger, I had mad overreacting skillz. The first time my car battery died, I naturally assumed I needed a new car. And there was much panicking and wailing. Life lessons and Alex’s reaction to my overreaction have taught me through the years to not panic. Seriously, I did not learn this from Douglas Adams because my brain is too thick. It had to be beaten into me. (To be clear, I mean metaphorically beaten into me. No one ever actually beat me.)
And today I did not panic. I know better now. But I did tantrum like hell.
I wrote this to Claire this morning:
Can you please tell The Universe to stop trying to teach me shit?
I had to learn how to check my brake fluid today. I don’t want to do that shit ever. I want someone to take care of me and do the hard stuff. I’m not even willing to be proud of me for this b/c DUH of COURSE I can check and add brake fluid myself. I’m smart enough and competent enough and independent enough. I JUST DON’T WANT TO. And I will fight the Universe all the way down about this. Apparently.
And quite frankly, The Universe is sending mixed messages, anyway. Am I supposed to learn to be independent or to reply on my friends? *stomps foot*
Computers, like cars, are Hard Things for me. I look at them and my eyes roll into the back of my head. It doesn’t mean that they are hard, it just means I shut my brain off when the subject comes up. Like sticking your fingers in your ears and singing at the top of your lungs. It means that their mere existence is Hard. As long as they work well, me and cars and computers get along super great. But when they need fixing or upgrading, I shut down and start dreaming of Cave Man Days.
Even so, earlier this week I had to do some simple computering. All it involved was moving some plugs around and plugging a new external drive in but it was Hard to want to think about considering doing it. And I did it. And I was proud of me.
So why am I not having the same reaction today to the brakes? Well, firstly, because I’m not sure the brakes are all better now. I’d still like to have the pads checked before I give myself a gold star. But I’m pretty sure the big reason is that I ALREADY LEARNED SOMETHING THIS WEEK. DONE. LEARNING. NO MORE LEARNING THIS WEEK. Also? Remember the tired? And the menstruating? See? ALL DONE. NO MORE. FINISHED. END OF STORY.
It’s late afternoon now and I’ve calmed down, but I can feel the tantrum RIGHT THERE ready to go again if The Universe decides I need any more lessons any time soon. Universe, what I need at the moment is a damn vacation.
And a coconut mocha.