Tuesday, 5:30PM~ Someone FROM THE FREAKING TODAY SHOW called me and asked me to FLY TO NEW YORK the following Thursday TO BE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. LIVE. ZOMGWTFPOLARBEAR!!1!!! *dies and is ded*
Tuesday, 8:30PM~ (These Today Show people keep crazy hours) I get an email asking if I can come sooner so I can film a spot in addition to the live show.
Wednesday, some point in the day which I have now forgotten~ I’m told I won’t be flying there after all, rather they’ll BE COMING TO MY HOUSE TO FILM ME HERE AND PUT MY LIVING ROOM ON NATIONAL TV. OMGWTF! *faints* (Slightly lesser response there, see?)
Wednesday, all day~ I run around scrubbing the house and kids, spending my last $20 on a haircut, driving the kids to their various appointments normal to Wednesdays, hunting down moms who want to participate in the story and who meet the requirements of the Today Show staff, finishing up some loose ends requested by the Today Show, talking to my web host about making sure the servers can handle all the traffic, and generally stressing out a little bit.
Thursday, two hours before news crews arrive~ I get a call saying no one is coming. *sigh* *dies. and is ded* The foreign news was too much that week to have room for a story on mama-bellies. Which made sense. I had wondered why they’d picked the week Osama Bin Laden was killed to invite me to New York. But it was also Mother’s Day so I thought that might have something to do with it.
Saturday~ Clean off the entire patio.
Sunday~ Be in pain from Saturday. Also celebrate Mother’s Day.
Monday~ Attempt to get back to regularly scheduled programming. Fail. Look over the paperwork that needs to be done this month and turned into the county office. I haven’t mentioned this here yet, but we’re on food stamps. SPOILER ALERT! I’ve been meaning to blog about it but just haven’t found the time. Refer back to this entry for an example of why. Anyway. Discover the paperwork was actually due last week while I was not in New York. Do the math and realize I had exactly two days to get it completed and mailed and received since it arrived over a week after it was dated. The government is full of lying liars who lie. Call the office to see what can be done. Don’t get through. Spend ALL DAY LONG trying to get through. Feel foggy. Feel bitchy. Not all of this is from having to deal with the government. Part of it is a major case of PMS.
Tuesday~ SPEND ALL DAY LONG TRYING TO GET THROUGH. Feel even more PMSy.
Wednesday~ FINALLY GET THROUGH!! And remain on hold for one hour and forty minutes. No shit. ONE HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES. Finally give up because Elliott needs to be at an appointment. Feel menstrual. Very, very menstrual. ETA: Oh shit I forgot the bit about how my bank called me at 8am to ask me if I’d spent $6,000 that morning on clothes and how, no, they didn’t think so but wanted to double check and how they’d cancel my debit card and how I’ll get a new one sometime before the world ends. *sigh* And so now I am partying like it’s 1999 and writing checks for everything. Yes. I am that person in line. Blame the criminals.
Thursday~ Call again, speak to an operator, explain my case, get put on hold FOR FORTY MINUTES MORE. Get hung up on. Menstruate more. (Sorry, male readers.)
Friday~ OH GLORY BE. Friday the 13th is here to make up for my Week o’ Thursdays. I not only get through and don’t even get put on hold, but I get my problem solved (turns out I actually had until Thursday and would have known that HAD I BEEN ABLE TO GET THROUGH) and spend exactly zero minutes in the office waiting for the paperwork I was told I’d have to wait for. WIN. Celebrate with Frappy Hour and some Doctor.
And the future holds? Well, more of this, but slightly less… manic. Unless the Today Show calls me back like they promised. In the mean time, and for the foreseeable future, we are blaming all our problems on Matt Lauer.
(Dear Today Show and/or Matt Lauer, totally j/k. lolz)