Begone, Scary Monster Eyes and Six-Foot-Tall Spiders!

7 05 2011

Over the years, for a variety of reasons, our patio and back yard fell into disuse. We had too much stuff, I had to focus my energy on the part we had to live in rather than the outsides, the brown widows literally invaded the city in one summer and our back yard stupidly has no access out except through the house which makes removal of spidery yard waste difficult and anxiety-causing. Whatever reasons or excuses, it was unpleasant. And my goal this year has been to transform my home into a place that is pleasant, free of clutter and peaceful. About a month ago I cleaned up the back yard and today I did the patio. While I never took before pictures to spare myself the embarrassment, I did create some shockingly realistic reenactment photos for you. You’re welcome.

Patio – Before:

patio reenactment

At times in the past, the patio’s been so cluttered you could hardly walk in it, let alone enjoy it or want to glance in the direction of it. Much of the extra stuff left with the husband, I tossed some more things I felt we no longer needed, and I chopped down the jungle that had sprung up due to the unusual amount of rain we got this winter. I am pretty sure there were monsters hiding in it, as you can clearly see in the reenactment photograph.

Here’s what it looks like now (which I’m sure is a complete shock to you, what with all my mad photoshop skillz).

Happy Thing: No More Scary Monster Eyes

This is what the shelves look like now. They aren’t pretty (well, there’s a patch I rather fancy, circled for your convenience), but since I don’t have a garage, they are quite necessary. I’m open to ideas for making them less garagey while also not creating extra hiding spaces for those widow jerks (spiders. my neighborhood is not infested with actual widows acting like jerks). The car seat will be tossed as soon as I get my hands on a sledgehammer with which I can destroy it.


Into the back yard.


(And I don’t wanna hear from you about how the orange is hard to read. It was too late to change the color. For some reason that made sense at the time.) Three summers ago the brown widows came to my town. These spiders are not native to San Diego and were first sighted and recorded in 2004 and now their range covers nearly the entire county. Those bitches breed like mad. I’ve seen them with four or five egg sacs. And they don’t stay to remote corners the way the black widows do (perhaps because their sheer numbers cause them to run out of space?) so they’ll be in places you frequent far more often than the native black widows. The summer they arrived in my back yard, the population went off like a damn bomb. We pretty much stopped going in the back yard at all. We had some camping chairs out there that became a large metropolis for them. In addition to random trash like that, the Ex Husband also created a few “compost” heaps. He was fond of them and no amount of logic could sway him from piling more leaves and twigs onto them. While they did, indeed, create some new earth, most of it was just a pile of leaves and sticks, even years later.

This is what the back yard looks like now:

And the other side:

geranium & hose

those bitches grow fast

That pepper tree in the corner there? Was definitely NOT there the last time I looked (*cough*three years ago*cough*). Those bitches grow fast. (They are also non-native and invasive. I’m allowed to call ecosystem-imbalancing plants and wildlife bitches.) (I really, really love parenthesis.)

Technically, the Spider Metropolis (i.e. camping chairs) are still in the yard, so these photos were strategically taken. My landlord promises to move them for me by tossing them over a series of fences rather than bringing them through the house. I expect this to happen in 2016. And once they are gone, despite my inclination to put some sort of chair or table out there or on the patio, I have made a firm decision not to. The yards are lovely now and simple. Adding things back there will only create more places for the widows to live (this time I’m referring to actual widows) (haha, kidding!) and be more for me to maintain. Maybe someday, if I prove to be responsible with what I currently have, then I’ll allow myself a bistro set on the patio and maybe some flowers in the back yard. For now, I’ll enjoy my spaces without anything permanent in them.

And for the future? I’d like to get a shade built for the patio and, if possible, find a way to cover the items on the shelves (not to mention protect them from heat and sun – even shaded it will get warm out there), add more wind chimes (especially in the tree in the back yard) and possibly someday find a simple way to put fairy lights up around both living areas. For now, though, it just feels good to be neatened up.

As for the house, I still get a thrill of happiness when I walk in and see my lovely living room, neat and clutter-free. Every single day.


Tweets From April

7 05 2011

My plans today were canceled so I guess I’ll have to eat all these cookies myself.
3 Apr

Saw a sticker that indicated the car it was attached to could do the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Kids didn’t get it. They suck at being nerds.
4 Apr

That coffee I had at 9pm seemed like a good idea at the time. But now that it’s 1am and my brain won’t shut up, I think maybe not so much.
9 Apr

HAHA I have FINISHED the tail of the orca! I am AWESOME. Bow to me. (Also, I am humble.)
10 Apr

Oh by the way I can like my coffee black now.
14 Apr

A few nights ago I had a dream in which I made up a joke that it took me a few minutes to understand. I’m THAT smart.
15 Apr

Wanna know what’s dumb? Vacuuming the car just before you hit the beach. Thank god I’m so cute.
15 Apr

Temple of Doom really sucks. In every way. Except the shirtless Indy bits. That part doesn’t suck. Also this.
16 Apr

Elliott’s Lego guy is “unvisible” right now.
18 Apr

Gone Daddy Gone, Mayonnaise, Beat on the Brat- wow the radio doesn’t suck today.
18 Apr

Why yes I did back out of the entrance to the Coronado Bridge today in Barrio Logan. And I don’t regret it.
18 Apr

My son is into making up board games. While this is cute and shows how smart he is, it also means I have to play hours of 5yo-designed games
19 Apr

I hate it when I’m smarter than the baristas at @Starbucks . Also: I get bitchy if you come between me and my coconut mocha.
19 Apr

Just looked up the definition for “agelessness” and found that it’s dated to 1651. Hrm.
20 Apr

Margie: What do you call two lovebirds on a power line? Dead!
22 Apr

My dream this morning ended in a cliffhanger. How is that fair, brain??
23 Apr

Last night’s dream was a Veronica Mars spinoff. Some people dream in color. Apparently I dream in TV.
24 Apr

And just like that she turned nine.
24 Apr

According to Elliott Dr. Who said, “Bathroom.” So Rose kicked him. And rightly so, IMO. How impertinent.
25 Apr

ZebraBelly just discovered that Google will GUESS at a celebrity’s height. This amuses me for some reason.
25 Apr

I keep hearing the theme from Jurassic Park. I can’t tell if it’s the neighbors or if I’m going a little bit insane.
28 Apr

Why yes I did just Google “water crystals satan”. Is that not a normal thing to research? (PS. tell the water it’s cute to exorcise it.)
30 Apr