Important stabby so hard.

19 04 2011

My new favorite website: (It gets extra points for making the URL be a sentence.) According to this site, these are things I will probably Tweet at some point.

LOVE. Grudgingly. I ASSUME.

Squished a fork. WTF sore throat?

Sadly not wearing pants.

Dear Internets: What is emo. Oh wait, never mind.

Important stabby update: Being on blues clues

Oh balls.

Reavers are great! I get an immersion blender.

Coffee. Oops.

I’m really weird. Dear Internets: What is watching Home Made Simple for me. Every color is pissed off.

Laughing quietly to it evil evil. They suck today. It’s way better than poo.

The cervix-punching was wise. Oh no!

Duuuude. Just scored 123 points on the San Onofre nuclear power plant.

The world wildlife fed sued them like a fucking room.

Elliott’s review of Firefly: WTF sore.

Dear dude I’m really sucks. In every way. Except the Ides. oh sad.

OMG THAT’S WHAT I think. At any rate he is dead as Mickey Mouse, but I’m really weird. … space donuts?

You know this morning. is more fact than fiction.

And triple check. Just made squash soup.

Tonight’s popcorn: lemon pepper. Yes. Wanna know that Wonderfalls is seriously scary to me. Every time.

And now on your daughter sings the flaky.

My kitchen was running.

Evil. You are safe. The whole point of it. Important stabby so hard.

It’s normal to spell vulva before they are stuck together.

Sad dalek is my life. just surprised.

It’s here! β™₯?

And why yes, I am AWESOME. Bow to the Bieber-scented bracelet. Srsly.

PS. I’m just being woken up cause I’m using the real phone in my gparent’s old house.

Sadly not scared of the flaky.

Squished a teen.

Saw a sticker that indicated the bottom of the bottom of me. Every time.

It’s more fun with a miracle. yup. After being an immersion blender.

Temple of the shirtless Indy bits. That part doesn’t suck it.

Sad dalek ain’t appropriate.. Hells yeah. Contact paper can suck it.

Squished a miracle. yup.

True story. it’s time to get lost eight times.

Dude. I just surprised.

Found something resembling a bitchin’ rockstar from Mars. Srsly, Hilton?

Today is better when we started using the Force.

PS. I’m laughing.




7 responses

19 04 2011


19 04 2011

Sad dalek is my life.
I have nothing more to say. πŸ™‚

19 04 2011

Printing this out for future needed laughs.
“Laughing quietly to it evil evil. They suck today. It’s way better than poo.”

19 04 2011
bethany actually

Your fake tweets are SO MUCH FUNNIER than my fake tweets. Also, they make more sense. The first part makes sense, actually, because your real tweets are generally funnier than my real tweets. I think we both make about the same amount of sense normally though.

Now ‘tweets’ sounds like a made-up word to me. Tweets. Tweets. Tweets.

Sorry. I’m going a little nuts from trying to get this extremely cute baby to sleep. πŸ™‚

19 04 2011

Here are my tricks for them making sense. First, sit in front of this website for no less than 6 hours, giggling uncontrollably and occasionally just outright spitting coffee all over the keyboard. In that time, pick out the few that make enough sense to pass on. Second – and this one makes me feel a little bit dirty so keep it a secret, mkay? – copy only the funny parts of the tweet. Random punctuation and extraneous words can be omitted. πŸ˜‰

19 04 2011

From now on when something is really awesome I’m going to say I sued them like a fucking room. It just feels right.

30 04 2011

Why in the world do these sound like things you would write? Because they DO. And I think I have to remember that it’s normal to spell vulva before they are stuck together. I thought it was just me.

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