I keep random magazine images on hand for creating SoulCollage cards. Whenever I’m done with a magazine, I go through it and rip out the images that speak to me in some way, no matter what they are, and I file them away for someday in the future when I find use for them. This information will be relevant later in this post.
I’m not sure when it happened, sometime in the Fall. Sometime before I knew for sure my marriage was ending. In the dream we were leaving the place where the kids attend Camp Fire meetings only in this dream the Coronado Bridge began right in the camp. Also there were blue whales in the sky. This was completely normal in this dream world, but nevertheless spectacular. They were some sort of transport, for cargo, I think, and they were coming in for a landing at the camp. So we were driving on the bridge and, despite the fact that we were leaving the kids’ place, the kids were not with us. The husband was driving and his friend sat in the front seat, I was in the backseat. And we drove right off the bridge. For a moment I just accepted my impending death until I remembered my babies and then I knew I had to get out to save them. The dream was so upsetting that I lay in bed for a long while having a panic attack over it. And I still do if I allow myself to feel the terror I felt in the dream.
Not nearly as horrible, this one occurred sometime in late Fall or early Winter. There was a large tank, like the ones at Sea World. It had stadium seating on all sides, but the seating was covered by tarps or blocked by construction. It was clearly closed down, and now that I think about it, in process of renovation. In the enclosure was a blue whale and I was swimming with her. I am not afraid of the fierceness of whales, for the most part, but the size is quite frightening. It was sad for her to be in such a small place, swimming in endless circles. And then I was picking my son up from wherever it was that he was at and I knew I would have to take him to swim with the whale and, despite her intended gentleness, I was terrified for him. But I’d have to. It needed to be done.
And there were more dreams which I’ve lost the details of. Once there was an ocra, once there was a room full of empty, murky, algae-filled aquariums, devoid of other life.
These are dark dreams, but powerful and productive. At the last SoulCollage gathering, I was sifting through my images, trying to decide which card I’d make that day when I came across an image I’d saved years ago. It was a whale in a tiny goldfish bowl. This is the way The Universe works, y’all.
This isn’t the first whale card I’ve made. There are certain animals I’m strongly drawn to, and that, in a way, I look to as guides in life. Elephants and whales are two of the most important ones for me. I find them to be symbolic of such strong, ancient, feminine wisdom. And so I’m glad that whales have been here to guide me through this, but, as Claire says, they aren’t in their proper place yet. I need to find them in a dream sometime swimming in the wide ocean. I had a nearly lucid dream the other day for the first time in years. Maybe next time I will go seek a blue whale in the ocean.