Endings and Beginnings

9 03 2011

Happy Thing: Organization

I’m getting divorced.

After 10 years of marriage with many of them spent working extremely hard to make it work, it’s just not going to work. We can’t live together. I’m OK with this and looking forward to the future. I don’t know how he feels, but I’m sure there’s a level of relief on his part as well. The kids are sad but so far handling it fairly well – I suspect because they know their dad and I still get along and we’ll do many family things together and he’s not far (same building, actually) so they can see him often.

And now I’m weary of talking about it. It takes so much energy to tell people that I dread letting this news free on Facebook. And you know what? It’s not OK to make comments about my marriage. You (proverbial “you” not YOU, my readers) can’t offer me advice or imply I should try to make it work. You can’t tell me how marriage is hard and how you made yours work. I don’t honestly give a shit. You don’t know me. You don’t know him. You don’t know our history or what we’ve tried. So kindly shut the fuck up.

My new goal this year is to completely organize the house, make it free of chaos. For the first time, possibly ever, I have the ability to live in a clean home that stays organized (you know, aside from kid stuff). I am looking forward to that. The first thing I did was move the shoe rack out of the hallway and into a nook that used to hold a random chair that no one ever sat in. It’s so lovely to walk into the house and not trip over piles and piles of shoes.

And so the last thing left for my heart worry about is how I’ll make ends meet. I have some plans in the works, I only hope they pay off. Keep us in your thoughts please, OK?




12 responses

9 03 2011

you are definitely in my thoughts, of course 🙂

And most of those “well meaning people” that say trite things like that probably just don’t know what to say themselves and are always afraid that they will be in your same position one day. (hug)

9 03 2011

9 03 2011
bethany actually

When I hear about anyone divorcing, no matter the situation, my first thought is just, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Because no matter how bad things got and how good it is that the bad will be going away, it started in love and hope and it’s always sad when things don’t work out, you know?


I’m glad you’re not tripping over shoes anymore.

9 03 2011

That’s a good response, Bethany. It makes me feel supported and respected. Thank you.

9 03 2011

The last friend I knew, when I heard she got a divorce, I high-fived and then we went out to celebrate. Yeah! STFU! 😉

9 03 2011

Sending good thoughts and hope to your family during this transition.

9 03 2011

I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, but I’m glad you’re not doing too badly. *hug*

9 03 2011
lorien w silverleaf

I am sorry that people are judging your decisions–it’s really nobody else’s business! Nobody else knows what goes on between two people. I am sending many many great thoughts to you for the universe to provide whatever you need. And then add on a bit of what you want also.

9 03 2011

I know how hard you’ve worked at everything that matters in your life, so I wouldn’t dare suggest you haven’t done enough. I am sorry, though. Change is hard, even when it’s liberating.

10 03 2011

Oh, I am so sorry.
No one can tell you what you should or shouldn’t do in a relationship. You have to be there to know.

I hope your new beginning brings you happiness and organizational bliss. I hope that you have the easiest divorce on the planet. And I hope you know that if you need an non-judgey ear, I am there.

18 03 2011

I love you, B. 🙂

Some comedian had a bit where he talked about how the appropriate response to the news of someone getting divorced was “Congratulations.” So with that in mind, I’m sorry for the pain and unhappiness that led to this point, but also congratulations. Congratulations on moving into a new chapter of your life. Congratulations on no longer being in an unhappy marriage. Congratulations on feeling the relief of letting go. Congratulations on being able to move your shoe rack and all the other little liberating aspects of single life.

I hope you take this the way I intend it – with utmost love and support. You rock.

18 03 2011

Anna, I know you well enough to know your intentions. But even if I didn’t, you said that so wonderfully I totally get it. Love you back. ♥

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