April Showers Bring May Tweets. Or something.

5 06 2010

I can’t stop eating these cherries even though the CONCEPT of cherries makes me gag (I blame Jack Nicholson). Totally awkward.
9:31 AM May 1st via web

ZebraBelly just made pizza scones. Is wondering why they smell exactly like a campground.
9:02 PM May 2nd via web

Elliott, yesterday: This elevator is CUTE! (I assure you, it was not.)
3:05 PM May 5th via web

ZebraBelly is watching “Connections.” Is kinda freaked out. Note to self: learn to slaughter cows before the world ends.
9:39 PM May 5th via web

Margie is trying to make me pick between the Tiki Room & bathrooms. As much as I will miss Jose & friends, I think I really need bathrooms.
11:29 AM May 6th via web

ZebraBelly is, apparently, watching Lady Jane and not at all doing any of the things she should be doing.
9:28 PM May 7th via web

WOW. How did I never notice how terrible this movie is? Overacting, much?
9:41 PM May 7th via mobile web

Dear Giant Scary Spider: just run away and we will both pretend I never saw you, ok? Ok.
9:24 AM May 8th via mobile web

DAMMIT, Spider. What did I say? If you don’t hold up your end of the bargain I shall be forced to run screaming from this place.
9:27 AM May 8th via mobile web

And he only has seven legs which means he’s battled to the death AND WON. And he’s fast like a fast zombie. Oh, you guys, I am so scared.
9:35 AM May 8th via mobile web

It’s a busy little faultline this morning.
11:51 AM May 8th via web

Elliott: Mommy, you made me a lot of food! You made me a baseball player!
1:29 PM May 8th via web

Despite the fact that I was prepared for it, it really hurts to know people are out there who consider me to be the selfish abuser.
8:36 PM May 8th via web

Among other shit that’s happened tonight.
8:36 PM May 8th via web

Kids can make a contest out of ANYTHING including whose heart rate is faster during an anatomy lab. Just FYI.
1:42 PM May 11th via web

ZebraBelly just witnessed an OxyClean Miracle!
3:52 PM May 11th via web

Blue sky. Green leaves. Warm sunshine. Bird song. Trying to feel… happy.
9:02 AM May 12th via web

That’s the second dead ladybug I’ve seen this week. Bad omen.
1:58 PM May 12th via mobile web

ZebraBelly just heard Peter & Paul are giving a concert without Mary. This is both good and bad, I suppose, but my heart can’t take it this week.
4:11 PM May 12th via web

ZebraBelly is having throat coat tea for breakfast. Not a good sign.
9:36 AM May 13th via web

ZebraBelly is knitting a tomato while watching a 3-ft tall Indiana Jones play soccer. My life sounds more surreal than it is.
3:31 PM May 13th via mobile web

ZebraBelly is stuffing a pinata.
3:52 PM May 14th via web

Seriously? Fuck you all. Oh, not YOU. I mean THEM.
4:56 PM May 14th via web

Five years ago just about now I was pushing a baby out in my bathroom. Born exactly at midnight. Happy almost bday, Elliott. ❤
11:25 PM May 14th via mobile web

Our household Lego total has increased by about 260%. I should take out an insurance policy on it, it's worth more than my jewelry.
7:39 PM May 15th via web

ZebraBelly has a sexy lady voice today. Also lots of snot. Which I am pretty sure triples the sexy.
9:09 AM May 17th via mobile web

@ the mechanic: adjusted rear brakes, flushed system, declared me safe. Cost: $0. Have I mentioned I love my mechanic?
11:26 AM May 17th via mobile web

I have a hard time saying, "IMHO," because my opinions are never humble. Also because my opinions are really more fact than opinion. IMO.
9:23 AM May 19th via web

ZebraBelly has the entire afternoon off from her job of being a mom. Think I shall spend it asleep.
12:02 PM May 21st via web

ZebraBelly is catching up on Glee and thinks maybe Sammy Davis Jr didn't actually know what a tramp is.
10:55 PM May 21st via mobile web

Ok did they just say U2 is classic rock??
11:21 PM May 21st via mobile web

ZebraBelly felt that one. Felt bigger than 5.
10:34 AM May 22nd via mobile web

5.3. I am becoming very good at earthquakes.
10:39 AM May 22nd via mobile web

My brain exploded and I cried many Jears. And then my brain exploded again. Lather/Rinse/Repeat. #lostfinale
11:41 PM May 23rd via web

ZebraBelly has decided upon burned zucchini for lunch today. You know. Living on the edge.
11:48 AM May 25th via web

Oh, Trader Joe's, it's OK, I can wipe the chicken poop off my eggs for you. I don't mind. (That's a lie. I do mind.)
11:49 AM May 25th via web

ZebraBelly is, for the first time ever, disappointed in USAA.
1:41 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone

ZebraBelly just tried hickory smoked peanut butter for the first time and OH. MY. GOODNESS. it's so good I cried. Also good: Thai Ginger Peanut Butter.
7:03 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone

DAMMIT. Now I have to stalk TWO spots on the earthquake map.
10:54 PM May 25th via web

ZebraBelly hates loud and annoying neighbors. But can find forgiveness, somehow, when they blast "Brown Eyed Girl."
7:18 PM May 26th via web

I need a pad of sticky notes that come pre-printed with the phrase "You suck at parking, asshole."
3:08 PM May 27th via web

ZebraBelly just wrote a long note to go with a wedding gift where I declared the couple weirdos and then promised not to get naked.
2:30 PM May 29th via web

ZebraBelly made a sudden decision to shave her legs. Maybe I will get naked after all.
3:02 PM May 29th via web