Mommy-abuse is a problem in America today. Particularly in my household.
8:58 AM May 28th from web
was watching her kids snuggle and read together. Now is listening to her kids pee together. Ahhh, siblings.
6:31 PM May 29th from web
just learned that 94% of giraffes are gay. http://bit.ly/12K45T
8:19 PM May 31st from web
Goddess bless good friends
2:26 PM May 31st from web
As it turns out, two episodes of Firefly before bed will cause one to dream in Chinese.
7:16 AM Jun 1st from web
DUDE I just saw lightning!!!
1:05 PM Jun 3rd from mobile web
just discovered there is a street in SD named “Beejay”. Alex responded, “That’s what she said.” Har.
6:26 PM Jun 5th from web
nearly completely forgot about how a strange man walked right into her apartment today.
8:31 PM Jun 5th from web
Today is the day where all non-accepted works must be picked up from the fairgrounds. In other words, it’s Loser Day! LOL
9:41 AM Jun 6th from web
Pet Peeve: When websites offer a “remember me” feature but then NEVER REMEMBER ME. Jerks.
11:37 AM Jun 7th from web
Naked Elliott: “I need to wash my butt!” “WHY?” “There’s a piece of sandwich in it!” Some have said he’s a genius.
12:04 PM Jun 9th from web
My son is walking around naked singing The Killers. I think this is a normal behavior for a Killers fan.
8:17 AM Jun 11th from web
kettle korn + sunny day + jacarandas = happy
3:30 PM Jun 11th from mobile web
is officially house hunting!
10:38 AM Jun 12th from mobile web
M lost a tooth today! Neither of us knew it was loose! She made me promise not to show anyone.
2:00 PM Jun 13th from web
Commercial just told me postpartum incontinence is embarrassing. Mostly I like to joke about it. Is this the wrong reaction?
4:47 PM Jun 13th from web
loves Bob Dylan. That is all.
5:56 PM Jun 15th from mobile web
Instead of “Don’t Break the Ice,” Elliott SWEARS up and down it’s called “Don’t Break The I”.
7:58 AM Jun 16th from web
I think I found a spider leg in my pajamas. Geh. Ugh. Fuhh. Blehh. Cugh. Fuckin’ ew.
9:09 AM Jun 16th from mobile web
So far today: miscalculated clown show, offended librarian, examined black widow. Ready for today to end now.
10:08 AM Jun 16th from mobile web
To clarify: black widow has nothing to do with earlier spider leg incident. Thank GOD.
10:09 AM Jun 16th from mobile web
tried to take the kids to the free veggie tales movie, but E declared it scary. Cheez Puffs with teeth are kinda evil
11:08 AM Jun 17th from mobile web
never could quite get the hang of Thursdays.
3:25 PM Jun 18th from web
Margie yesterday in the midst of a funk: “I am doomed!”
5:11 PM Jun 18th from web
just supposedly followed john cusack. @shockozulu Stay off, bitches.
9:21 AM Jun 20th from web
thinks the term “following” is actually kind of creepy now that I think about it. Of course, it does appeal to my inner stalker.
11:52 AM Jun 20th from web
watched the sun set tonight. Happy Litha! Happy Summer!
10:28 PM Jun 21st from mobile web
Forgot to tweet last week that I caught my kids playing “Will it Blend” with a toy hat as blender. http://www.willitblend.com/ My kids rock
3:32 PM Jun 22nd from web
Margie: “I just cleaned the couch off. See? It’s clean as a turkey!”
4:43 PM Jun 22nd from web
zebrabelly’s iphone can now receive photos and maybe even video, too. Welcome to five years ago, Apple.
7:46 AM Jun 23rd from web
There is no more diaper table in this house.
9:28 AM Jun 23rd from web
Government conspiracy!! – They claim there is no spider on the dollar bill. LIES!
8:00 PM Jun 23rd from web
is annoyed by annoying people.
8:36 PM Jun 23rd from web
is wondering WTF with NKOTB being a Trending Topic? Silly Twitter, NKOTB is for the 90’s!
4:29 PM Jun 24th from web
I am thinking that “vagitarians” are not quite the same thing as “vegetarians”.
10:11 AM Jun 26th from web
is not sure what it means when u see Atreyu walking thru Target wearing a wifebeater that says ‘closet’ in silver
2:09 PM Jun 27th from mobile web
is not getting out of bed yet.
7:18 AM Jun 28th from mobile web
Dear neighbor: thank you for sharing your Michael Jackson tribute with me. Even muffled through the walls, it’s still loud enough to sing to
7:32 PM Jun 29th from web
turns out Pandora radio considers the indiana jones theme to fit in with souza. Weird
10:30 AM Jun 30th from mobile web
If you were tickets to the fair and someone (not naming names) put you in a “safe place”, where would you be?
2:01 PM Jun 30th from web
Apparently I never could get the hang of wednesdays either.
1:28 PM Jun 30th from mobile web
THANK YOU, SAINT ANTHONY!
4:31 PM Jul 1st from web
is off to look at a 4bdr house for less than $200,000. Taking bets on ghettoness NOW!
8:24 AM Jul 2nd from mobile web
House is not so bad actually! Now off to fair! With tickets!
9:41 AM Jul 2nd from mobile web
1 day at the fair + 2 kids = 3 days of recovery
8:47 AM Jul 3rd from mobile web
cannot FRIGGIN WAIT for Half Blood Prince!!!!!
6:14 PM Jul 3rd from mobile web
Happy Fourth, Americans – and our worldwide friends. Enjoy this majestic tribute! http://bit.ly/oJ6XL
8:45 AM Jul 4th from web
is off to see the hangover. I hear it’s FOL (fart out loud) funny. Hope I don’t FOL personally. PMP is more my style (pee my pants)
2:40 PM Jul 4th from mobile web
The Hangover is, indeed, funny. Luckily for us all bodily fluids and gasses stayed where they belonged.
6:32 PM Jul 4th from web
Snuck into Eastlake firrworks because I am a rebel. Now paying for it with traffic from hell.
9:04 PM Jul 4th from mobile web
is in a taco shop eating lunch and watching moonwalker.
12:47 PM Jul 5th from mobile web
OMG is he singing come together??
1:08 PM Jul 5th from mobile web
Googling for “how to make a horcrux” or “horcrux craft” are really not yielding any relevant (or recent) results. Damn.
11:34 AM Jul 6th from web
Stupid 20 other people wanting my house. Anyone know a hit man? KIDDING. Sorta.
4:47 PM Jul 6th from web
Fanboys = quite funny, actually.
10:42 PM Jul 6th from web
But did you know “trekkie” is actually an offensive term? WTF?
10:54 PM Jul 6th from web
My neighbors are cooking what I want for lunch. I’m just not sure what it is or which apartment to show up to.
11:37 AM Jul 9th from web
is at the library and has to pee. Who will watch the kids?
1:54 PM Jul 9th from mobile web
*happy sigh* RT @robcorddry This is proof Screwheads. Cusack is @shockozulu. Now can we talk about something else? http://twitpic.com/9urha
8:39 PM Jul 9th from web
is going to stop talking about geek stuff on Twitter bc the followers I get when I do are just shameless.
8:50 PM Jul 9th from web
Dear Dead Milkmen, the Beach Boys did not sing “California Dreamin.” Please take note.
8:40 AM Jul 11th from mobile web
just got facebook-married to her husband!
11:03 PM Jul 12th from web
Yesterday at the mall, while Alex bored me at GameStop, I made Harry Potter & Voldemort Miis. So if you see them, smile and wave.
8:53 AM Jul 13th from web
THE WEATHER IS STUPID TODAY. That is all.
5:44 PM Jul 13th from web
Knowing (the movie) = stupid -> scary -> almost interesting -> stupid again -> fucked up -> kind of pretty
11:23 PM Jul 14th from web
Elliott, doing some weird gallop around the room, just announced that he is “humping”. It’s a combo of “hopping” and “jumping” you pervs.
7:56 AM Jul 15th from web
Margie’s joke: Why did the hat cross the road? Cause the chicken was wearing it!
9:54 AM Jul 15th from web
Elliott’s joke: Why did one shirt take a nap? Because it was tired!
9:55 AM Jul 15th from web
If only Target had a craft section I think we could solve a lot of the world’s problems.
11:04 AM Jul 15th from mobile web
just bought movie tickets online for the first time ever because I am not too old to learn new tricks.
9:56 PM Jul 15th from web
Thunder? Or Sea World Fireworks? I think the latter. Darn.
9:32 PM Jul 17th from web
dreamed of Mr. Rogers and quesadillas.
9:24 AM Jul 18th from mobile web
For the last time, people: Harry Potter does not promote witchcraft – it is FICTION. Lordy.
9:55 AM Jul 18th from web
Jorge Garcia on wieners: http://bit.ly/4tqzOr
2:55 PM Jul 18th from web
IS WATCHING HARRY POTTER!!!!
2:19 PM Jul 19th from mobile web
is considering Harry Potter. Also interchangeable knitting needles. My mind is a little confused tonight.
9:24 PM Jul 19th from web
Best (?) part of HBP movie? They don’t actually explain the bit about the Half Blood Prince. lolz
9:30 PM Jul 19th from web
Is having a balcony lunch with my babies at the co-op. It’s a beautiful day and I am happy.
1:45 PM Jul 21st from mobile web
just found a bowl of… something in the microwave. Grosssssssss!
5:47 PM Jul 21st from mobile web
Oh God it floats……!
5:51 PM Jul 21st from mobile web
I think it might be a jello-sponge hybrid. Made of forgotten pizza sauce.
5:53 PM Jul 21st from mobile web
Do I need to disenfect the microwave now? Or, like, bury it in a concrete grave?
6:02 PM Jul 21st from mobile web
Dear California: I think filing shitloads of lawsuits is not so much going to help your money problems.
6:35 PM Jul 21st from web
Also, leave the seals alone. It’s cheaper. (Among other reasons)
6:35 PM Jul 21st from web
Margie says the weather is smuggy. Can’t really argue, actually.
3:41 PM Jul 23rd from mobile web
can no longer talk smack of geeks on Twitter/FB b/c the husband is following me now. Dang.
8:01 AM Jul 24th from web
OMG the husband MET Jorge Garcia! *JEALOUS*
12:23 PM Jul 24th from web
But I found out that I have actually BEEN to Lost’s Korea so I kind of feel like I WIN, too.
12:23 PM Jul 24th from web
Oh so THAT’S why they call them fire ants. Damn.
2:45 PM Jul 25th from web
No really – fire ants HURT. I do not believe I have ever cussed so much in front of the kids before today.
5:43 PM Jul 25th from web
Honestly if the house fairy could just leave a decent one under my pillow? Kthx!
4:20 PM Jul 27th from mobile web
Baz Luhrmann’s movies all about art: dance, prose, song. And now? Cows.
10:38 PM Jul 27th from web
wonders why the exercise can’t just do itself?
8:10 AM Jul 28th from web
BOTH of my kids fell asleep in the car just now. Oh look! A pig just flew by!
1:41 PM Jul 28th from mobile web