On the Mess

30 04 2009

I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. My husband is a s-l-o-b. From simple things like starting the dishwasher but leaving the Cascade on the counter to downright gag-inducing things like leaving crusts of bread to get soggy in the sink. I don’t understand why he cannot finish a job. But the thing that just really, really makes me burn inside? Is that I am not allowed to point these things out to him. Sometimes he gets annoyed with me which is hard for my ever-trying-to-please personality to take, but the worst is when he acts like I am just a nagging wife who is best ignored or humored, but never to be taken seriously. That makes me consider packing my bags.

As I sit here in my nearly-better state and survey the damage that has resulted from my nearly two weeks on the couch, I feel so frustrated. I very nearly despair at all the work that has piled up for me. And it’s the worst kind of work, too – the kind that results when he tries to clean up. His version of picking up the house is quite literally to pick things up off the floor and stack them neatly in ever-higher towering piles which are probably earthquake hazards. Last night I caught him picking up trash and neatly stacking it. His mind cannot comprehend actually putting these things where they are supposed to go and I am at a loss for what to do. On the one hand, I can nag him because he kind of deserves it. But he doesn’t listen. So I typically attempt to make a joke out of it – but he does not necessarily take those any more seriously.

I realize this is somehow the way his brain is hard-wired, but I cannot live with it and I, apparently, cannot comment on it, either. I just don’t know where to go from here.

We have been through a lot in the 11 years we have been together, and in recent months, he has really changed and grown and made some big efforts. I see this and cherish it and I fell in love with him all over again because of it. But the smaller day to day stuff has GOT to be fixed, too, or I will lose my mind.

Either that, or I need a maid.




7 responses

30 04 2009

I think that most men are hard wired to clean badly. Chad does the stacking thing, too. What I do is make a plan to clean the house and then when we are doing it, I keep him occupied with laundry and taking out the trash and vacuuming (thing that he can’t stack) while I do the rest of the picking up. That way we both feel like he’s helping, but things get done the way I like.
I know Alex is a different case…so maybe a maid would work better 🙂 Call me if you ever need to escape!

30 04 2009

Or Brian.

30 04 2009

God bless it, YES. I will take a Brian over here, please.

30 04 2009

I think Henry is worse than my kids, and they’re pretty bad these days. He leaves trash on top of the counter instead of putting in the, you know, trash can. Dirty socks and clothes end up on the floor where they came off, then he gets on Solana’s case about doing the same thing. I guess all I can say is I commiserate. Unfortunately.

1 05 2009

A housekeeper is cheaper than divorce. If it hasn’t changed by now, it won’t. Offer a trade: you’ll quit “nagging” in exchange for him finding the extra $ for a housekeeper.

1 05 2009

I agree with Vickii 🙂

1 05 2009

Steve decided to agree with Lev loudly and laughingly about how cool it would be to be a bachelor after they were listening to a Greg Brown song about that. They went on and on. The best part was when Lev said “You can get drunk!” and Steve thought it was totally appropriate to say “Yes, you can, you can get REALLY drunk!”
Let them live in their own stinkin’ mess, I say. And drunk.

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