Shut My Mouth

21 07 2008

Yesterday my daughter told me, “I’m sorry I never said this before, but I’m sorry for crawling into bed with you at grandpa’s house.”  I was floored.  It’s been nearly two years since we visited my dad, and my poor girl has had this on her heart the whole time?  I don’t even remember what she’s talking about, really, but it’s not unlike me to be grumpy when I am tired.  And travelling alone with two kids (to a house which is not remotely childproofed), in the bitter cold (that’s 35-45 degrees if you are counting), while running all over St Louis and back for eight days will make me rather tired.  So I imagine I was grumpy about being tired and trying to fit us all in one full-sized bed and I must have snapped at her.  And she has held that to herself all this time, taking responsibility.  My God.

I explained to her yesterday that I wasn’t mad at HER at all – but I was frustrated with the situation.  I went on to say that 90% of the time I am irritated with her, it’s not her, but what Life is throwing at me that second.  I told her to please ask me if she ever wasn’t sure where my big, loud feelings were directed.

Because my feelings are big and loud.  Much like hers.  And I tend to verbalize every damn thing that goes through my head.  I’ve learned now that I have got to stop.  It’s OK to keep my mouth shut and I must do this.  Must. 

How?  That’s an entirely different question.  I think duct tape might work, though.




One response

31 07 2008
bethany actually

Let me know if you figure out how to do that! I could use some help in keeping my big fat mouth shut sometimes.

And I’m sorry, but 35-45 degrees bitter cold? 🙂 I am a native Midwesterner and I feel honor-bound to point out that you don’t even always need a coat at those temps. But I know, when you’re a native Californian you just don’t handle cold weather well. (My mom is a native Californian, and after 30+ years in Nebraska she STILL threatens to move back to SoCal at least fifteen times each winter.)

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