Wedgie Theater

7 12 2007

I took my big girl out on a date today, just the two of us, to see The Nutcracker. It was my very first trip to the ballet as well. And my thoughts? Were that it was much like Tommy. The first bit had a storyline and made sense, but then it all went to Hell. It was clear that Tchaikovsky’s agent was pushing him for a longer ballet. “Tchaikovsky,” he said, “No one wants to put on a ballet-skit. Saturday Night Live for Ballet won’t be invented for at least 250 years*, if ever. This needs to be at least double the length.” So, Tchai just said, “Fuck it, I’m gonna just throw a variety show in here at the end. A dance from every county! Bring it on!” And then he served them.

It’s a fact. Look it up.

Also? I always thought Clara was the lead and that the Nutcracker was, you know, the other lead. But mostly they just sit around and watch other people dance. Better for her anyway, the Sugar Plum Fairy got dropped on her head at one point.

But the absolute best creepiest part was the Guy Asses. Do they paint those things on?? From the front it’s not so bad. I mean, the packages are rather obvious but no big whoop, you know? But from the back? The tights go waaaaaay up their crack. Way up. It’s like a naked yellow bum. Like you can see each and every single ass muscle they have. And they have a lot. They dance for a living.

*That will be 2142 or thereabouts.




5 responses

7 12 2007

Can’t believe there are no photos of asses.
What kind of a blogger are you?

7 12 2007

You crack me up, girl.

7 12 2007


7 12 2007

This is something I want to do yearly with my daughter when she gets older. I saw The Nutcracker as a field trip when I was middle schoolish and I loved it. And? I’m all about the traditions.

15 12 2007

LOL! Hilarious!

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