Yesterday I received a phone call from Healthy Families, the state insurance program my kids are covered by. They wanted to let me know that one of my proofs of income was invalid and I should send another. I asked them why it was invalid and they said I should call Healthy Families. I reminded them gently that they are, in fact, Healthy Families and maybe they could just transfer me to someone who could help me. They assured me that would be impossible because this is just a courtesy call and, apparently, courtesy does not extend to being helpful in any way.
So, I called Healthy Families where I proceeded to have this conversation:
Them: Your paystub does not have any deductions on it.
Me: That is because my employer does not take any deductions.
Them: Well, the paystub has to show deductions or it is invalid.
Me: But they don’t take any deductions. What am I supposed to do about that? I can’t change the paystub!
Them: Have your employer write us a letter on letterhead explaining that they don’t take any deductions and that should be OK.
Me: Hrm. OK, see, my employer is Google. I don’t think they are really that personal of a company. I can’t see them doing this.
Them: The paystub needs deductions on it.
I just fell over from a brain hemorrhage.
Well, I’m off to try to write a letter explaining the whole damn situation to them in the hopes that they will break the fragile walls of their little world to see a new type of situation. Wish us luck!