Christopher Columbus

9 10 2007

Yesterday was, of course, Columbus Day (observed) here in the US. Columbus was, of course, a complete ass (at best). Still, I’d like to commemorate this moment with an excerpt from my very favorite history book ever.*

Meanwhile, in nearby Italy, Christopher Columbus was forming. As a youth, he spent many hours gazing out to sea and thinking to himself: “Someday I will be the cause of a holiday observed by millions of government workers.” The fact that he thought in English was only one of the amazing things about the young Columbus. Another was his conviction that if he sailed all the way across the Atlantic, he would reach India. We now know, thanks to satellite photographs, that this makes him seem as stupid as a buffalo, although it sounded pretty good when Columbus explained it to the rulers of Spain, Ferdinand and his lovely wife, Imelda, who agreed to finance the voyage by selling six thousand pairs of her shoes.

*I do not guarantee the accurateness of this book. Neither does Dave Barry.

Apparently, you can read more amusing quotes from this book here. Seriously. Years later and many re-readings and Dave Barry can still make me pee my pants. Not that it’s hard, but you know, he’s funny.

Also, in the extensive Googling I’ve done tonight to bring you this fascinating entry, I’ve discovered that Dave Barry quit writing weekly columns nearly two years ago. That’s right, folks, you heard it here probably last – your favorite source for completely outdated news – zebrabelly.com! Next week’s outdated news: Blackwater.

Did I just end that on a downer? Well, we are, after all, here to celebrate Christopher Columbus. Or did you forget?

Will this entry ever end?

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2 responses

10 10 2007
earthmama

i love dave barry! i tried to read some to the kids, but they walked away because i was laughing so hard, they couldn’t understand me…wonder why they didn’t get it?… hehe

15 10 2007
corscorp

ROFLMAO! That whole post had me roaring with laughter, B. Yeah, Dave Barry quit writing his columns because someone told him he just wasn’t as funny as he used to be. I wonder if he’s still blogging. His coverage of the Olympics in Greece cracked me up.

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