Narwhal of Death

21 12 2006

One of the benefits to having a communal laundry room is that people leave their crap there and every so often you get lucky and find a good piece of crap to keep. Like the other night when I picked up 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Once I pushed past the first chapter (which was written using a specialized technique designed to bore people to death wherein the author’s choice of words was 90% nautical terms and 10% real words so it is virtually impossible to read), I’ve discovered the book is actually quite good.

One thing that concerns me, though, is all this talk of giant glowing killer narwhals. I had been under the impression all this time that the “monster” was a giant squid. At what point in the story does the narwhal turn into a squid? And, at what point in the story does the frigate turn into a submarine? Or are the squid and narwhal in this together? Yes, that seems more likely. I can see them now, sitting down to a cup of tea at Narwhal’s house (there are a LOT of doily’s in Narwhal’s house, don’t you think?) and casually chatting about how best to kill all the humans.

And besides!? Who could possibly think of a sweet little narwhal as a killer? That would be like saying, “Unicorn of Death” when everyone knows unicorns are delicate snobby creatures that are gentle and majestic!

Either they’ve marketed this book very wrong for 140 years or else I’m reading the wrong copy. Oh, yes, that’s it! Someone published a copy where they changed the words “squid” and “submarine” for “narwhal” and “frigate” just to confuse me! Or maybe I should just be patient and see what happens next? But what’s the fun in that?




One response

21 12 2006

And what about the guy with the tentacles on his face?
Wait. Wrong story.
Anyways, I wouldn’t trust a unicorn. Who knows, perhaps the unicorn is in on it too, along with the narwahl and the giant squid and the suspicious number of doilies.

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