Shitty Moms Unite!

27 10 2006

I want to explore this idea of a “shitty mom week” a little more. All in all (and especially when I can step outside of my own head for a minute) I think I’m a pretty good mom. I am usually patient, I’m giving, I do fun stuff, I’m consistent, I’m loving, I’m hella funny and I can get silly with the best of them. I don’t do drugs or get drunk regularly (or, you know, ever) and my kids don’t sleep on piles of garbage while I puke all night in the other room so that’s gotta count for something, yeah? I feed them healthy food (usually) and I make the best choices for their health and education that I can.

But sometimes my faults catch up to me and on a week like this week, when M is at her most emotional and I am, too (who? me? emotional???), things get hard. My two worst habits as a mother are spending too much time on the computer and not enough time WITH the kids. And my daughter? I SWEAR TO YOU that child needs 100% of the attention 24/7 and oh my lordy can that get tiring! If I don’t give her attention she gets all spastic and bratty and when I’m emotional I can’t handle it the way I should (uh, unemotionally) and I take it personally, and it’s all a downward spiral from there.

Sometimes I really worry about my future relationship with her. Our personalities sometimes just CLASH. And days like today when I’m thinking clearer, I feel like she will outgrow her drama queen tendencies (or, rather, be able to better understand them) and we’ll be as close as any Gilmore Girls can be. But days like yesterday, I fear things will always be strained between us.

Also? And I hate to come to this realization because the less I am like my mother the better, but I have this habit (or perhaps just inability) to see outside the moment. If things are bad, I feel devastated. If things are good, like today, I wonder why I would ever think such things yesterday. Is there no middle ground? It’s tiring to live on such a roller coaster, yo.

Also, there are the goats.

Still, focusing on today and the goodness of life… She woke up and told me, “Let’s make this a better day today, ok?” Ok, girl, you betcha. *heart*

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One response

27 10 2006
lola coca-cola

Not a shitty mom. Period. Just human.

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