Strippers!

6 10 2006

Recently, I had to get blood drawn for some lab tests. I had called ahead to check prices because this country does not provide insurance to all it’s citizens and I am one of the Unlucky. I spoke to a woman at the lab who was so nice and so helpful. You’re thinking what I’m thinking, right? This is either a joke or Armaggeddon? But, no, in this case I actually got lucky. So she informed me I better hustle my butt right down there because they currently offer cash patients 25% off the price, but that won’t last long, because as soon as they get the new chip for their computer, that program will end. So the day I was ready to go, I called ahead and double-checked and, yes, the 25% off was still in effect.

So I get there with my kind aunt and two kids in tow. I give my doctor’s test request to the lady behind the desk who very carefully highlighted the doctor’s address on his form and asked me to fill it out on her form. OK, no big whoop, I figured she was busy. But NO. She just sat and watched me do it. And then? She asked me what this said, and that, and this right here because she couldn’t read my writing. Hookay.

After she took my blood she just kind of wandered away and I asked her, “Do I pay you now?” And she said, “Oh no, they will bill you.” Just to be safe – because I’ve dealt with far too many institutions in my life – I asked if they’d make sure to bill with the 25% off. “Oh no. They won’t.” But she didn’t offer any more information. Hookay. I pressed on, asking her if I could pay her then and she sighed and replied in an aggravated tone, “Well, then I’ll have to call and find out how much these tests cost.” Hooookay!

I must confess: I am a bad person. I make crass and inconsiderate requests of people such as, “PLEASE WOULD YOU DO THE JOB YOU ARE BEING PAID TO DO???” Flog me now, people.

But before she could call? She had to pee.

Once she had finally got the prices she had to do the math to find out the discounted price. I kid you not, people, she picked up a calculator, looked at me, put the calculator down, told me she had to go find a calculator and wandered off somewhere again. I am going to assume the calculator she had picked up was not working or something. It makes me feel better to believe this.

In the end I discovered why she had me fill out the original forms, even if she had to criticize my penmanship – it’s because she was slooooooow. She had to fill out another form and it took forever.

All in all, the whole visit could have probably taken about 20 minutes, but it took us an HOUR to get out of there. And I know, because I had to pay for parking. Which wasn’t actually too costly at all – only $2 – but the parking lot was AWFUL. Anyone who’s been to a medical building in Hillcrest might get an idea because they all seem to be tiny and cramped, but this seemed the worst. The closest I could pull up to the ticket booth was about 5 feet away. And the woman just stood there staring at me as though if she were to take one step out of her booth, she’d evaporate. Poor thing. The icing on the whole experience? I paid with a $20 bill and got $18 ones in change!!! Chippendales, here we come!!! *snort*

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