Uberlist 2008

3 01 2008

After nearly a week of dealing with two pukers and having a fever myself (for only five hours or so, though… odd), I’ve fallen behind on my end-of-the-year blogging and am catching up today. I have, however, had plenty of time to think about what I want to put into my life this year and thus we (Me, Myself and I) present the new Uberlist of 2008… Ta Da!!!

CRAFT & ART: Learn to crochet. Challenge myself. Remember to create art as often as possible. Buy a new camera (or two?). Enter at least one new photography contest.

FAMILY: Yell less. Play more. Remember to be hands-on. All of that needs reinforcement again. Remember to be patient. Remember to see the worl from their point of view. Focus on my strengths. Remember that I am a good mother.

FINANCIAL: Organize finances. Find a good accountant or learn how to do my taxes or possibly both.

FRIENDS: Listen more. Give more of myself.

HEALTH: Buy insurance ASAP! Once again, look into gym memberships, this time make it happen since it is affordable now. Walk around town when possible. Drink more water. Limit fast food (this has recently become a problem), make more meals at home. Watch FoodTV more since I find it inspires me to actually cook at home. Plan meals to freeze for nights when we need a quick fix. Practice good posture.

MENTAL HEALTH: Work and work and work on anxiety. Do not let it take over my life. Continue to learn to love myself. Continue to become a stronger person on my own. Continue to learn to make my own decisions. Continue to be happy with myself regardless of who I am talking to, what I look like that day, or how much I weigh.

HOME: REorganize home. I found last year that it needs to happen on a regular basis around here. Keep it organized. Either buy a home or make this one lovely on the outside. Possibly both? Buy artwork for the home to hang on the walls. Decorate the dinette and bedrooms.

LOVE: Find more time to bond with the man. More dates alone – maybe once a month? Try try try to work on communication.

PERSONAL: Turn 30! Spoil myself silly. Get a new tattoo. Get new jewelry for my ears. Buy tons of lovely jewelry on Etsy to fill my new jewelry box. Invest in clothes that fit and make me feel good about myself. Continue finding joy in my hobbies. Love life.

CAREER: Redo the SOAM website. Make it something even more special. Go to BlogHer, and find other ways to get the message out into the community.

TEACHER: Find a groove. Or not and be happy with it. Read more classical literature to the kids. Do more art. Be more active in the community. Enroll kids in more classes. More outside time. Daily playground trips.

TRAVEL: Disneyland for sure. Road trip to Frisco for the BlogHer convention. Road trip somewhere else for the next big APU gathering.





Uberlist in Review: 2007

27 12 2007

At the beginning of this year, I made a list of goals for this year instead of the usual one resolution. Let’s see how I did…

CRAFT: This one I’m stealing: “Knit for Holiday 2007 throughout the year,” learn to felt, and maybe pick up crochet. Become more active in the weekly knitting group. Find time to write here and there. Enjoy photography and frame my favorites.

Well, about the only things I did here are learn to felt and the bits about photography. I discovered early in the year that the people who I had mainly intended to knit for this holiday season would no longer be on my gift list so I was off the hook for that bit. And I decided I am busy enough without having yet another group to be a part of so I’m OK with not having become more active in the knitting circle. An extension of this is that I have become comfortable with the fact that I am a sporadic knitter, rather than trying to push myself to knit regularly. I never did write and I am a little sad for that, but I have had a fufilling year and discovered a whole new artistic side to myself so I feel happy anyway.

FAMILY: Yell less. Play more. Remember to be hands-on. Try to let go of the anger and hurt I feel towards those who’ve hurt me.

I continually work on yelling less. Sometimes I do well, and sometimes I do not. Likely this is something I will struggle with all my life. I have, however, become a more playful mom, and have been more hands-on although I have a ways to go there, as well.

As for the anger? It’s still there, but it’s not for me anymore. I have forgiven for my own pain and now my anger is there because I pity these people who make the decision to live their life in such an ignorant way for they will never truly be happy. I am angry because I think they are capable of better.

FINANCIAL: Set aside money for emergencies and for special activities. Don’t spend it! Don’t! I mean it!

Yah, well, HAHAHAHAHA! On the other hand finances have been better in general this year – the husband got a good raise in January which made us able to live comfortably and not struggle to make ends meet for the first time since I left work nearly six years ago. Also, and partly due to the extra income I am sure, we have been far more responsible with money and I am happy to say that even though we did not save any money, we also did not squander it on things unnecessary. So I would declare this area a success even though the goal was not met. Yay!

FRIENDS: This one I’m stealing: “Tell every single friend how much I love them and the way they’ve shaped my life”

Oy. What was I thinking? I adore my many friends, but I did not complete this goal at all. I thought of it many times during the year, but I discovered it was really quite emotional for me and took to much to begin the task, let alone send a letter to every single friend. Oy. I’m not sure I can call this successful at all.

HEALTH: Get back on track with fitness, look into gym memberships. Get active at least daily. Cut back on sugar. Eat out less. Look into buying insurance if there’s any extra income in the next year. Balance progesterone. Get back into good water habits.

Hrm. I did balance my progesterone. Well, probably mostly anyway. I also looked into buy a gym membership, but there was not enough cash at the time, and I’ve been waffling about insurance for nearly one year now, but have not purchased it. The rest? Utter failure. *sigh* Oh, wait, no, we ate out less for much of the year, but recently I have been struggling with this again. I have no desire to cook anymore. I think it’s because I don’t watch FoodTV enough anymore.

HOME: Organize my house. Buy or create organizers where necessary. Purge junk, one drawer at a time. When my house is clean, my brain works better. Finally put pictures on walls. Get new furniture. Cook and freeze easy meals to avoid eating out so much.

This one is nearly a total success. I started early in the year organizing and I did very well. One thing I did not count on? My husband? He is like a tornado that follows me around undoing everything I’ve just done. He is worse than my children, I swear. Perhaps not in volume of destruction, but sure in the sense that HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. Anyway, we did put pictures on the walls (have a few walls still to go) and we got a new dinette set and a new computer desk and chair. Oh and the kids both have dressers now.

LOVE: Go out on the occasional date. The kind without kids!

Done and done!

PERSONAL: Get pierced! Find the perfect tattoo. Get a haircut more often than every six months. Read more books, aim for one a month. Search for the right religious path. Put more time and love into SOAM.

Pierced – check! Tattoo – found and found and done! Haircut? Not so much. I think I’ve had two this year. Books – check! Religious path? I dunno, I feel more and more pagan, but I believe it’s found me, not the other way around. I am happy where I am for now anyway. SOAM – Check! Did I have a mental health category? Cause I need one.

TEACHER: Bring more education – formal and informal – into our daily routine. Find the right charter for us and register M for kindergarten. Look into and possibly purchase curriculum.

This has been a year up ups and downs. We found a Charter, got screwed by said Charter and dumped it. Waiting to hear about enrollment in a new one. I’m also up and down and all around in my homeschooling philosophy so it’s been hard to decide which, if any curriculum to purchase. I’m in limbo about this right now.

TRAVEL: Disneyland, if that counts. Possible: road trip to Colorado. Not likely, but on my dream list: BlogHer in Chicago. Perhaps a weekend getaway in the mountains?

Disneyland was it, babe. But that’s OK. There is travel for sure in the coming year. Whoot!!

I’ll be thinking about next year and will create a new list for it sometime in the next week or so. Hope you are having some happy holidays!





Uberlist 2007

31 12 2006

This is such an awesome idea. I’m not one to make resolutions, but that isn’t what this is. It’s merely a list of goals to have. I cannot make a detailed numbered list, because when I get too detailed at goalmaking, I rebel and fail. So here are some general ideas of things I might like to accomplish this year. Thanks to Mama Says Om for the inspiration!

CRAFT: This one I’m stealing: “Knit for Holiday 2007 throughout the year,” learn to felt, and maybe pick up crochet. Become more active in the weekly knitting group. Find time to write here and there. Enjoy photography and frame my favorites.

FAMILY: Yell less. Play more. Remember to be hands-on. Try to let go of the anger and hurt I feel towards those who’ve hurt me.

FINANCIAL: Set aside money for emergencies and for special activities. Don’t spend it! Don’t! I mean it!

FRIENDS: This one I’m stealing: “Tell every single friend how much I love them and the way they’ve shaped my life”

HEALTH: Get back on track with fitness, look into gym memberships. Get active at least daily. Cut back on sugar. Eat out less. Look into buying insurance if there’s any extra income in the next year. Balance progesterone. Get back into good water habits.

HOME: Organize my house. Buy or create organizers where necessary. Purge junk, one drawer at a time. When my house is clean, my brain works better. Finally put pictures on walls. Get new furniture. Cook and freeze easy meals to avoid eating out so much.

LOVE: Go out on the occasional date. The kind without kids!

PERSONAL: Get pierced! Find the perfect tattoo. Get a haircut more often than every six months. Read more books, aim for one a month. Search for the right religious path. Put more time and love into SOAM.

TEACHER: Bring more education – formal and informal – into our daily routine. Find the right charter for us and register M for kindergarten. Look into and possibly purchase curriculum.

TRAVEL: Disneyland, if that counts. Possible: road trip to Colorado. Not likely, but on my dream list: BlogHer in Chicago. Perhaps a weekend getaway in the mountains?





Moving Forward

3 01 2011

collage detail

I considered naming this post, “Back to My Future” or “From Here To the Future” but then I vomited a little and decided that it’s probably best to keep things simple. You’re welcome.

This year has been BIG for me. You have no idea the things that have gone on within my head. Years worth of healing have led to growth which has built the platform for the things to come. I have identified and begun to conquer some childhood demons, I’m finally beginning to Embrace the Flaky, I’ve made peace with the religion of my birth (I mean, except for the assholes who abuse it, but there has never been peace to be made with them), I’ve reconnected with my instinctual self, I’ve learned to love my anxious self while still pushing myself through those anxieties, I’ve made some goals and acted on them, I’ve learned that I’m not stagnant at all, but that sometimes I have to let my Oak Tree lead me.

mirrors

This upcoming year, in lieu of resolutions or Uberlists, or a Word of the Year, I set my deepest intention simply to allow my Oak Tree to guide me. She knows what I do not, and so far she’s always been right. I believe she always will be.

me!

I will, though, re-begin a list of goals to accomplish. This list has no time limit, as life does not conform to the Western 365-day calendar.  It’s also lighter, not heavy like the soul-work that happens all on its own.  I don’t want to call this my bucket list, or even my life list, but I’m not sure what to call it yet. My Keep-Me-Busy List? My Richness of Life List? Please do comment on each of the lists within this list and share your recommendations with me. I intend to refer to this list often, but I hereby declare that if I do not, that is OK, too, because a List is just a list and I will not allow myself to kick me for anything ever. (Hear that, subconscious?)

vision board 2011

This year, primarily thanks to Karen and Own Your Beauty, I made myself a vision board. I did this one primarily on instinct rather than conscious intent, although I do not believe there is any wrong way to envision a year. I chose gold paint for the background for the obvious reasons (I am often drawn to gold and purple, colors of richness and royalty, when I do soul-art), but as I was painting it, I was reminded strongly of Leslie’s gold room in Bridge to Terabithia and I felt the joy that came that afternoon when they were finished. (Someday, I will have a gold room of my own. With a happier ending.) I used a technique Claire taught me which involves cutting up an old calendar and gluing the squares down into a grid – I intend to focus on organization this year. I threw on a small collage in the corner which represents various things to me in various levels. To finish, I added mirrors around the edge to remind myself always to reflect and to see me for who I am.  I had planned to write words on it, but then decided I didn’t need to.  If I had the words would have been something like: listen, reflect, remember art, ground yourself in nature, breathe deep. Originally I wanted to frame this so that I can keep the current year on top of the older ones, but in the end I wound up with a canvas. I may layer next year’s vision on top of this. We’ll see. I love it. It’s beautiful. At least I think so.

How about you? What has 2010 meant for you? What do you foresee for yourself for the future?





A New Year

18 01 2009

I don’t have the energy to go throught last year’s Uberlist bit by bit and create a new one. Actually, I suppose it’s more correct to say that my energies are focused elsewhere, currently. Suffice it to say that some of the things I accomplished, others I did not for good reasons or less than good reasons, but I do feel it was a goodly productive year over all.

Historically for me, January has been a time of cleansing and new chances. Not because of traditional New Year’s Resolutions, I think it has more to do with the time of rest after busy holidays (and possibly a lot to do with an innate desire to cleanse my body after all the dang sweets of December). However, for the last few years, I have not felt that – at least not to the degree that I actually make changes. This year it seems to be back, and I have already begun rethinking and retraining certain habits. I am making a big effort to eat at home – the amount of money we have spent recently on eating out makes me sick to my stomach. I got some new cookbooks for Christmas and I’m picking them apart and inspiring myself to want to cook again. And, of course, eating at home with be better for my body as well. I daren’t say it, but I am hoping to maybe get back down to a lower weight (again). It hurts to say I’d kill to be 200 pounds again, but it’s true. In that vein I’ve bought myself a new-to-me jogging stroller. Despite the current financial crisis, I felt it was important to spend the money on it while I am so inspired, in the hopes that I can create a habit that will hang around when inspiration takes a vacay. I’ve been researching walking trails in my town and near other places we hang out, and it feels good to be out in the sun, moving my body. I hope to get to the point where I can walk 3 miles daily (well, technically, I could do that, it’s a certain whiny six-year-old, I am trying to prepare). But there I go saying goals out loud – typically, I fail when I do so. Perhaps this time will be different.

In a different area of my life, I am working on opening my home. Having children (and watching important period TV programs about teenagers such as Freaks and Geeks and My So Called Life) has taught me that I NEED to have my home open to my kids’ friends and the neighborhood. I need to do this to support my kids, to know their friends, to open my kids’ hearts. But it’s hard. When I was growing up, our home was so private – because if anyone were to see inside, I would have been taken away from my mom (this does not, of course, explain why the few people who knew about it did nothing to help, but that is another story). When anyone knocked on the door, we had to be quiet and pretend we weren’t home. My heart would race as I hid in the dank dark, and waited to hear footsteps leaving. This physical response lasted well into my adulthood. Even if I had invited someone over, their knock would send me into a silent panic and I had to put on a mask so no one would guess. Of course, I was largely unaware of this on a consious level. In the last few years it has lessened, but I still feel intensely private about my home and for this reason I rarely invite anyone over – it’s too damn much emotional work!

It is also, of course, a large part of the reason I tend to get obsessive about my house being clean. Because if it’s not spotless when people are over, they might see into my soul, I guess. They might know the pain I lived with as a child. The pain I still live with. If they noticed the dust in the corners, they’d see the five-year-old pile of dirty dishes in the sink of my teen years. If they saw the breadcrumbs, dust and grease in the cracks between the counters, they’d know about the cat shit on the floor when I was a kid. They would KNOW about how disgusting I really am. And I could not bear that. And, because I’m so damn functional, I tend to avoid those areas that frighten me the most – the corners and cracks.

So I’m working hard on these two things. Maybe my home doesn’t have to be spotless – it certainly isn’t unsanitary! Maybe it’s OK to let a corner go undusted – it doesn’t make me less of a person (but why can’t I believe that?). And maybe I can let the neighbor kids come over even if there is sweeping to be done. I am trying to learn that it is more important to open my home for my children than to keep it spotless. And, after all, I am BUSY. I don’t always have time for the corners and cracks, even if I did have the desire. Maybe it’s OK to let those things go because other areas of my life are more important.

All emotional work aside, when I win the lottery I am hiring a maid, dammit.

And so those are the big things I’m working on in my life this year. If I had to make goals they would be simply: continue working on being healthy, inside and out. But then, I suppose that is the meaning of life anyway.





Here, There, Everywhere

17 12 2007

I would like to blog about how quickly my son is growing. I would like to blog about how frustrated I am with people right now (has actually very little to do with the holidays). I would like to blog about how addicted I have become to Etsy. I would like to blog about how extremely flaky and flustered I am in general these days or about how (conversely) I am nearly all finished with Christmas shopping for once. I’d love to post reflection about this year’s Uberlist. I’d love to write an entry about how stupid it is that banking has become so complicated that even the bankers cannot tell you what is going on with your account.

But I just can barely find time to post anything anymore. I know as with everything in life, it’s cyclical and I will be back again soon, but in the mean time I feel frustrated. I miss writing here, I miss the comments, I miss seeing the pretty zebra stripes, but more than anything I’m afraid I will miss something really important by not recording it here.

Anyway, tonight (well, all of today actually) is my husband’s 32nd birthday so I’m off to frost the cake and see if I can’t scrounge up some candles (is it wrong to put tea lights on a cake?). I’ll leave you with this picture – my new favorite – of my two guys.

two boys








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