Tweets from September

4 10 2012

The weather is so stupid today that even the floors are hot.
Sep 1

Feeling sorry for myself and lack of BBC America so instead I’m Dalek-hunting in Better Off Ted. I forgot how much I loved this show.
Sep 1

Woke up this morning and found the cantaloupe on the floor across the dining room. Life with a cat. Or a ghost.
Sep 2

What I learned from the Cat ER while watching a marathon of Call of the Wildman on Animal Planet. This exists: http://www.farmersonly.com
Sep 4

Because city folks just don’t understand.
Sep 4

Just to be clear. That’s “Farmer Dating.”
Sep 4

Dear Cat, I’m glad your happy to be feeling better but can you please use your words to say thanks instead of being so bitey? Kthx.
Sep 4

Margie, insulting her brother (um. Or something): Your feet smell like ice cream pudding.
Sep 5

Blasting 10,000 Maniacs like I’m some heavy metal punk rock hard core chick. Or some other words.
Sep 5

When I turned 16 I requested they play me a song called Hateful Hate about imperialism in Africa. That’s normal, right? #10000maniacs #nerd
Sep 5

The cat responds better to my Mom Look than my own kids do. Maybe I should start squirting them with water, too.
Sep 7

Elliott (no frakking clue what the context was): But I don’t wanna be pregnant!
Sep 7

Note to self: Next time don’t wear a black shirt to the vet.
Sep 7

In other veterinary news: It’s ok, I didn’t need that $500 anyway.
Sep 7

At least I have Neil Diamond to sing away my sorrows.
Sep 7

In other other veterinary news, why isn’t “scrotum” as funny as “balls”. Neutering a cat makes him less funny by comic law.
Sep 7

Trying to knit with a kitten is like… trying to knit with a kitten.
Sep 8

I’m glad the rain waited until we were finished kayaking.
Sep 9

BOOM. PAJAMAS.
Sep 9

In rereading Life, The Universe & Everything, I’m surprised to find that Slartibartfast is no longer played by Bill Nighy, but by Gandalf.
Sep 10

Related: AUTOCORRECT KNOWS “SLARTIBARTFAST”. Dude.
Sep 10

I just said, “Gross-a-roo.” Apparently Punky Brewster really does live in your brain for more than 20 years.
Sep 11

I bought an electric pencil sharpener. Today the kids were lined up to use it. All two kids. All my pencils are sharp now. All of them.
Sep 13

Annnnnd now all the colored pencils are also sharpened. You looking for a sharp writing utensil? I’ve got your back.
Sep 13

It’s not even noon and already the weather app on my computer says it’s 2 degrees hotter than the high of 100. I HAVE NO WORDS.
Sep 15

Went to watch a trailer on IMDB. Had to sit through a commercial first. A commercial before a… commercial. Welcome to 2012.
Sep 18

Why does Frodo think it’s socially acceptable to just walk in and pee in front of me? (BTW, I’m talking about the cat, not the hobbit.)
Sep 19

Margie: If you weren’t my mom, I’d think of you as my… great grandma or something. Because you say all kinds of weird stuff.
Sep 19

Tonight the cat decided to start trying to figure out door knobs. You guys? I’m kinda freaking out.
Sep 19

The cat’s tail is being an asshole. He will GET THAT TAIL if it’s th- OH WAIT LASER!
Sep 20

Just taught Elliot the Time Warp. Margie didn’t join us because she doesn’t “do kid stuff like that.”
Sep 29

Elliott, to Margie: Don’t call me whiiiiiiinnnnnnyyyyyy!
Sep 29


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