Because I need to blog SOMETHING. Here are August Tweets.

If no one sees me being unproductive, am I still getting nothing done?
Aug 1

My motto is: Who needs productivity? Eat more chocolate!
Aug 1

Oh my gosh, I haven’t checked Pinterest since yesterday. Who am I, even?
Aug 3

Elliott: What if every Thursday was my birthday? That would be surprising and exciting. And scary.
Aug 4

I just fried up two onions. And then ate almost two fried onions.
Aug 4

Little Pete always has the best rude names. From now on I’m calling all jerks “cheese plugs”.
Aug 5

ALSO THEY JUST CALLED LITTLE PETE A TIME LORD.
Aug 5

Pictures of Mars from just 14 minutes ago. The Universe just got a little smaller. <3
Aug 5

Margie lost another tooth yesterday. Me: "But this one you lost legitimately. Without having to bang your head on the sidewalk." #awesomemom
Aug 6

Now that we live in the future and have magic stuff like closed captioning I know that the Pete & Pete song is about Sandy, who has a dog.
Aug 6

I considered going to the gym tonight, but instead I came home and made cookies.
Aug 8

A word of advice. If you're going to call the wrong number, wait until its not 6am anymore. Or I might have to stab you.
Aug 10

Elliott: He's the best cat in the Universe. Other cats are fine, but this one is the awesomest and cutest.
Aug 10

At this moment I am boiling eggs, baking donuts, and making "coffee" (and tweeting about it). I don't multitask well. Wish me luck.
Aug 10

Also? The cat is LITERALLY bouncing off walls. And I mean literally literally.
Aug 10

Did not get eaten by mountain lions. Go me.
Aug 12

I may not remember which baby did what, but, dammit, I remember all the words to the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen song. I has priorities.
Aug 16

Whenever Margie says, "This one time?" I follow it with, "At band camp?" Someday she's going to learn how very inappropriate it is. Awesome.
Aug 16

Singing the He-Man theme to the cat? Who me?
Aug 16

Elliott, playing at the park with two friends: Stop fighting or I'll never adopt you again!
Aug 17

You know what makes me stabby? Lots of things, it turns out.
Aug 17

Elliott, while cuddling: Can I smell your eyeball?
Aug 18

Since its 2012 I figure it's about time I get around to watching Raising Arizona.
Aug 18

Obviously it's been way too long since I've watched Arrested Development because I had forgotten that WASH WAS MARRIED TO DIANE COURT. Dude.
Aug 19

Started reading Anansi Boys and I SWEAR TO GODS a spider just crawled across me. I blame @neilhimself and his damn magic writing.
Aug 19

So this morning my arms kinda hurt. I wonder if one of you guys could send up my lady's maid to help me get dressed? Kthx.
Aug 20

I think the kitten is nursing in his sleep.
Aug 20

Dude, you guys. I saw someone using a pay phone. Elliott: "What's a pay phone?" EXACTLY.
Aug 23

My kids are driving me crazy this week. I can't wait until school starts and I can send them to… Oh. Wait.
Aug 23

Oh all that screaming coming from my house? That was just me dealing with a spider. Like a badass.
Aug 23

In other news I just finished watching The Second Coming with Christopher Eccleston and it was AMAZING.
Aug 23

And just to tie everything in my life together (like The Universe does) there was a Jedi-mind trick bit in there like Spider in Anansi Boys.
Aug 23

I am so glad I'm not related to gods (and possibly Jedi). They are hard work. (Still willing to marry Loki and/or Obi-Wan.)
Aug 23

Today's Pete & Pete: Steve Buscemi, Janeane Garofolo, Gordon Gano. MY GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW.
Aug 24

Tonight's edition of Movies Bonnie is Finally getting Around to Watching: The Crow.
Aug 25

I think I might be bowling next to Scott Baio.
Aug 27

I feel unsupportive shipping Willow and Oz when I know she's going to come out in a few seasons but damn they're adorable together.
Aug 27

Just got cut off in traffic by a nun. True story.
Aug 30

Found a story I started writing a few years ago. No idea where I was going with it, but really wish I'd finished so I can KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
Aug 30