I figured out what 2011 was missing.

26 09 2011

A dramatic day at the ER. Well, technically, urgent care. I didn’t, like, arrive by ambulance, but I did get rushed in pretty quick.

Over the last few weeks I’ve had three instances where my hands and/or lips and the tip of my tongue went numb. Very vaguely. I wasn’t even sure it was happening. Sometimes it felt merely dull, sometimes it felt like soda. We talked about it at acupuncture last week but it was baffling since the areas that were numb didn’t follow the usual pathways of the nerves or some other body part I’m forgetting.

So today I dropped the kids off at school, came home and got to work on SOAM. And suddenly my whole face went numb and tingly. Even my eyeballs. It was positively frightening. After some calls to various people in my life who are smart and calm and loving, I headed off to urgent care and my aunt met me there. They put me in a room right away, took my vitals, and I was seen by a nurse practitioner who thoroughly checked me for signs of a stroke and called for blood work and a pee test (which is extremely difficult to do in jeans and a hospital gown with a tube in my arm ready for the IV, just FYI). And, ultimately, diagnosed me with “stress”. Which is likely accurate. And his explanation made sense at the time but two things have happened since then that bring back the worry. Firstly that he was referring to the facial area often relating to stress, but now the numbness has spread to my arms. Secondly that I forgot everything else he said and, therefore, how and why it made sense.

But I’m clearly not having a stroke and he was certain it wasn’t a brain thing. And my vitals showed my heart to be fine as well, so I have to assume that I will live through the night.

Right?

Almost two weeks ago we discovered we have parasites. The kind that are at least as contagious as lice and just as difficult to get rid of. The following morning I could barely function for being so depressed. I’m back in the darkness again. Again-again. I don’t understand why this year has to hit me so hard. I feel like I’m being punished. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to put up with this if more and more and more things happen.

I just got tomorrow’s entry ready for SOAM and she said something that make me wonder if this is like spiritual labor. The year has been hard from the start, but it’s gotten worse more and more recently (alternately: I can’t handle what I normally can so it just feels worse? But even when I look at me from outside, it still looks like too much), and maybe, at the end of this, the ninth month, I’ll be born, fresh and strong.

I wish I could believe that. Right now I’m so beaten down I can’t do anything but cry.

I’m scared. Being numb is scary. Really fucking scary. Being alone during it is really fucking scary. I have never felt so alone as this last month. I don’t mind the concept of being alone, but The Universe sure has been working the negative aspects of it recently. So I’ve been cherishing those moments when I can rely on people, and just trying to float along. I can’t even swim anymore, as Dory advises. I can just try not to drown.





7 Days: Day 7 (Happy 7th Day to You)

24 09 2011

Pretty much the last app I have that I haven’t used this week was 8mm which is, IMO, the only way to shoot video on the iPhone. I mean, with technology this futuristic, why on Earth wouldn’t I want it to look vintagey? We considered doing a silent movie, but lack of a railroad to tie one of us to lead us to scrap the idea. Instead we serenade you with the new 7 Days Theme Song.

See you next run! Have a fantastic autumn!





7 Days: Day 6 (Last One)

22 09 2011

7 Days: Day 6 (Last One)

So, as has been alluded to, 2011 sucks. It can bite me. I’m looking forward to 2013 (I’m skipping 2012 the way buildings skip the 13th floor). As a “coping” mechanism, I have been drowning my sorrows in froufrou drinks at Starbucks. But it’s just too much and I really have to lay off it. So, with you as my witnesses, this shall be my last froufrou drink until the next 7 Days run.

*scared!*

I will allow myself plain coffee or tea from Starbucks (or other coffee places), and I may play around with making some homemade pumpkin spice coffees (but I am lazy so I don’t expect to do it too often).

So I’m off. To enjoy my salted caramel mocha and play a little Portal before hitting the hay.

Wish me luck.

Apps used here are Snapseed for the b&w and adjustments to exposure (Thanks, Joe, for the heads-up!) and Labelbox for the, well, labels. Which I think I originally learned about here on 7days, but I can’t remember from who.





7 Days: Day 5 (“Outside”)

21 09 2011

7 Days: day 5 ("Outside")

I had Grand Plans to go to Ikea to purchase some things to do some organizing inspired by pins on Pinterest. Since my life right now consists of cycling between To Do Lists and Avoiding To Do Lists By Watching TV, there’s not much outside happening and since today’s only plan was to go outside only to get to a store, I figured I’d give up on the theme and just post pictures of me in the mirror section of the store. But! Then! I found this wall! And it makes me LOOK outside, see? So it’s win-win for all involved. I don’t have to break the rules. I just have to lie about it. Wait.

Anyway. I didn’t use any fancy app for the photo itself – just the front camera. I did use the “viewfinder” frame in the Camera+ app b/c, hey! fancy frame! But this picture would be really difficult to accomplish in actual TTV. Heh.

And, for the record, I was BOLD today in my public self-portraiture. I channeled my inner honey badger whenever someone walked by.





7 Days: Day 4 (A Day at the Park)

20 09 2011

7 days: Day 4 (At the Park)

Day four is always the day I start to get panicky about 7 Days being almost over. It’s all downhill from here.

Took this (these) with an app I’ve had for forever that I really never use called ClassicSAMP. Kids had PE today at the park (last day of soccer, next week starts football) and since my friend who usually keeps me company stayed home with her sick kid, I played with making self portraits (and REFUSED to feel weird when people walked by or sat near me) and then, naturally, watched Doctor Who on my phone. Because that’s how 2011 rolls. TV at the park. TV anywhere you want.

I’m not sure how much outside tomorrow is gonna entail so this may very well be my theme photo.





7 Days: Day 3 (Cleaning Day)

19 09 2011

7 Days: Day 3 (Cleaning Day)

How many apps are involved here? Let’s see, first I used Camera+ for the timer feature. Then I used Diptic to put all three together (thanks to Brenda for that idea). Finally I imported it to Instagram to give it a fancy filter.

So the kids are at school Mondays now. And the house was in desperate need of a deep clean. Perfect combination. Steam mopping, vacuuming, disinfecting surfaces, and then, after a shower, crashing on the couch all melodramatic like.

I love a clean house. LOVE.





7 Days: Day 2 (Inside. Also a Floaty Hand.)

18 09 2011

7 days: Day 2 (Inside. Also a Floaty Hand.)

So I updated the Flickr app today like a good little apper (that’s a word, right?) and now I can’t upload photos with the app. Which partly defeats the purpose of phoning it in in order to make things easy. Luckily my aunt brought me some sweet potato fries to try to counter balance the Universe’s habit of punching me in the face (although, really, this app snafu isn’t a big deal, it’s just mildly insulting). (I like the way “app snafu” sounds. I’m going to say that all day now.)

ANYHOW. This is inside my living room. Using the 360 Panorama app with a border and exposure adjustment using Photoshop Express. Originally I thought my reflection in the TV or something would do, but then I accidentally caught part of my hand in my first attempt and decided that would be awesomer. And, as it turns out, I doubt you can see my reflection anyway, so it’s also necessaryer. You can see the flat version here.

And now please excuse me while I make some sweet potato fries. And you know what? Cookies, too.

You can read the notes and see the full sized photo here.








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