June was a funny month for Tweets. But there were a lot of spiders.

2 07 2011

Elliott, after hitting Margie: I’m not going to apology girls!
2 Jun

I just got an email saying I “deserved 8-inch penis”. This makes me wonder both why I no longer deserve it and what I did to earn it in the first place.
4 Jun

Elliott: “Mommy? If you could drink blood, I’d get you blood juice.” Um. Sweet?
4 Jun

My electric toothbrush died so now I have to brush… with my… ARMS. Just like in olden times ten years ago.
5 Jun

Elliott wants to know if Dr. Horrible is a bad guy or a good guy. I don’t know how to answer this.
6 Jun

Elliott: Will you quietly shut your noise?
6 Jun

Elliott has just informed me that he will make a Lego Doctor on “Dictember 10th”.
7 Jun

I’ve got pimples in all my wrinkles this week. Dear Universe: Not amused by your little joke. Ok. A little amused.
8 Jun

Elliott, upon calling his dad on the phone and hearing it ring: “It’s loading!” #Childrenof2011
8 Jun

ZOMG HE-MAN IS ON NETFLIX INSTANT. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
10 Jun

Dude. Skeletor just called Evil-Lyn a boob. He’s so hardcore.
10 Jun

Sometimes it’s heavenly to eat alone because then I can lick the plate without worrying about “manners” or “being a good example” ‘n shit.
11 Jun

Giant scary spider is giant and scary. And following me.
11 Jun

OMG Elvis just stepped out of the RV behind us in the parking lot.
12 Jun

Why yes I am ripping up the carpet in my bedroom while on a spider hunt. That’s normal, right? I’ll never sleep again.
13 Jun

Margie checked out her first Nancy Drew book today. And then she finished it.
15 Jun

The kids are running in circles trying to find each other. In the soundtrack of my life the Benny Hill theme is playing right now.
17 Jun

WHAT DO THEY MEAN A TIME LORD ONLY HAS 13 LIVES? *panics*
19 Jun

Something evil bit my foot and it itches violently and I’m trying not to panic that I might be dying.
22 Jun

I am given the distinct impression that my vacuum cleaner is considering dying. Asshole.
23 Jun

OMG you guys, I see a hipster!!
25 Jun

No matter how much I prepare myself, the customer service at Michael’s never fails to disappoint me.
26 Jun

But how can I take a shower if that spider doesn’t climb out of the tub?
26 Jun

I love the smell of proofing yeast.
26 Jun

A new sitcom with Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence playing… grownups? Way to make me feel OLD, ABC Family channel.
29 Jun

Elliott is confusing the word “torture” with “Torchwood”. As in: “Is he going to get Torchwood?” It’s cute as hell.
29 Jun


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2 responses

2 07 2011
Claire

I’ll be quoting E this month. Esp. with the “will you quietly shut your noise” business. MUCH nicer than the way I’ve been going about it here. Also? Possibly the Torchwood is a good idea as a substitute for what’s been going on maybe here or not or something. Not me.

I regularly want to poke craft supplies up Michael’s customer service ass.

And finally, did I ever tell you about the frogs that lived in our shower when I lived on the ranch? Spiders? pftt.

3 07 2011
Corey

I can’t stop with the Benny Hill theme. I can play it on my lips, and though they are numb, I still can’t stop. Must find the kazoo ASAP…

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