Elliott, after hitting Margie: I’m not going to apology girls!
2 Jun
I just got an email saying I “deserved 8-inch penis”. This makes me wonder both why I no longer deserve it and what I did to earn it in the first place.
4 Jun
Elliott: “Mommy? If you could drink blood, I’d get you blood juice.” Um. Sweet?
4 Jun
My electric toothbrush died so now I have to brush… with my… ARMS. Just like in olden times ten years ago.
5 Jun
Elliott wants to know if Dr. Horrible is a bad guy or a good guy. I don’t know how to answer this.
6 Jun
Elliott: Will you quietly shut your noise?
6 Jun
Elliott has just informed me that he will make a Lego Doctor on “Dictember 10th”.
7 Jun
I’ve got pimples in all my wrinkles this week. Dear Universe: Not amused by your little joke. Ok. A little amused.
8 Jun
Elliott, upon calling his dad on the phone and hearing it ring: “It’s loading!” #Childrenof2011
8 Jun
ZOMG HE-MAN IS ON NETFLIX INSTANT. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
10 Jun
Dude. Skeletor just called Evil-Lyn a boob. He’s so hardcore.
10 Jun
Sometimes it’s heavenly to eat alone because then I can lick the plate without worrying about “manners” or “being a good example” ‘n shit.
11 Jun
Giant scary spider is giant and scary. And following me.
11 Jun
OMG Elvis just stepped out of the RV behind us in the parking lot.
12 Jun
Why yes I am ripping up the carpet in my bedroom while on a spider hunt. That’s normal, right? I’ll never sleep again.
13 Jun
Margie checked out her first Nancy Drew book today. And then she finished it.
15 Jun
The kids are running in circles trying to find each other. In the soundtrack of my life the Benny Hill theme is playing right now.
17 Jun
WHAT DO THEY MEAN A TIME LORD ONLY HAS 13 LIVES? *panics*
19 Jun
Something evil bit my foot and it itches violently and I’m trying not to panic that I might be dying.
22 Jun
I am given the distinct impression that my vacuum cleaner is considering dying. Asshole.
23 Jun
OMG you guys, I see a hipster!!
25 Jun
No matter how much I prepare myself, the customer service at Michael’s never fails to disappoint me.
26 Jun
But how can I take a shower if that spider doesn’t climb out of the tub?
26 Jun
I love the smell of proofing yeast.
26 Jun
A new sitcom with Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence playing… grownups? Way to make me feel OLD, ABC Family channel.
29 Jun
Elliott is confusing the word “torture” with “Torchwood”. As in: “Is he going to get Torchwood?” It’s cute as hell.
29 Jun
