It’s not Los Angeles until I get lost eight times.
Srsly, Hilton? It’s 2011. Wireless internet should be free. Fail.
ZebraBelly just saw Charlie Sheen’s star. The symbol indicated that he is, in fact, a bitchin’ rockstar from Mars.
Can someone please explain to me me why my son is TERRIFIED of people dressed as Mickey Mouse, but stormtroopers are totally ok?
And now I shall sleep in a pile of sand. Thanks, Venice Beach.
Margie, upon learning the new floor lamp will be approx her height, narrowed her eyes and declared, “It will be my nemesis.”
Elliott: When I’m dead I don’t listen. Cause dead people don’t talk.
Dear dude who works at Starbucks: it’s not EXpresso.
After being woken up too early and the kids fighting all morning I am pretty sure I know the real reason we’re supposed to beware the Ides.
Overheard at PE: “Those two moths are stuck together.” “I think that means they’re married.”
You know this Cat Stevens song in the JPMorgan commercial is just offensive.
When your daughter sings the Ramones it’s cute. When she SHOUTS “I wanna be sedated!” It’s, well, weird.
Elliott: “Who’s the tooth fairy? @bethanyactually?”
ZebraBelly has been playing so much Mario Kart that real driving is a whole new adventure.
ZebraBelly squished a brown (black?) widow today. I am woman, hear me roar! Also hear me scream and run to take a shower.
Margie, upon hearing Elliott swear he sleeps with his eyes open: Oh man, he needs some physical therapy!
I’m really productive today. I’m pretty sure it’s cause I’m not wearing pants. (If yoga pants don’t count.) (They don’t.)
It’s normal to go to CVS and walk out with a Mexican Pepsi and a welcome mat, right? I passed on the Bieber-scented bracelet. Srsly.
Found something resembling a piece of chocolate at the bottom of my iced Starbucks drip coffee. I ate it. Hope that was wise.
As a kid I once prank called a random number and asked if the fridge was running. When they said no, I recommended an appliance repair man.