It’s not Los Angeles until I get lost eight times.
4 Mar
Srsly, Hilton? It’s 2011. Wireless internet should be free. Fail.
5 Mar
ZebraBelly just saw Charlie Sheen’s star. The symbol indicated that he is, in fact, a bitchin’ rockstar from Mars.
5 Mar
Can someone please explain to me me why my son is TERRIFIED of people dressed as Mickey Mouse, but stormtroopers are totally ok?
6 Mar
And now I shall sleep in a pile of sand. Thanks, Venice Beach.
6 Mar
Margie, upon learning the new floor lamp will be approx her height, narrowed her eyes and declared, “It will be my nemesis.”
11 Mar
Elliott: When I’m dead I don’t listen. Cause dead people don’t talk.
11 Mar
Dear dude who works at Starbucks: it’s not EXpresso.
12 Mar
After being woken up too early and the kids fighting all morning I am pretty sure I know the real reason we’re supposed to beware the Ides.
15 Mar
Overheard at PE: “Those two moths are stuck together.” “I think that means they’re married.”
15 Mar
You know this Cat Stevens song in the JPMorgan commercial is just offensive.
15 Mar
When your daughter sings the Ramones it’s cute. When she SHOUTS “I wanna be sedated!” It’s, well, weird.
16 Mar
Elliott: “Who’s the tooth fairy? @bethanyactually?”
16 Mar
ZebraBelly has been playing so much Mario Kart that real driving is a whole new adventure.
26 Mar
ZebraBelly squished a brown (black?) widow today. I am woman, hear me roar! Also hear me scream and run to take a shower.
26 Mar
Margie, upon hearing Elliott swear he sleeps with his eyes open: Oh man, he needs some physical therapy!
27 Mar
I’m really productive today. I’m pretty sure it’s cause I’m not wearing pants. (If yoga pants don’t count.) (They don’t.)
28 Mar
It’s normal to go to CVS and walk out with a Mexican Pepsi and a welcome mat, right? I passed on the Bieber-scented bracelet. Srsly.
29 Mar
Found something resembling a piece of chocolate at the bottom of my iced Starbucks drip coffee. I ate it. Hope that was wise.
30 Mar
As a kid I once prank called a random number and asked if the fridge was running. When they said no, I recommended an appliance repair man.
31 Mar
