Obsessed with the Doctor

Like tweenager-style obsessed. Like I’m-embarrassed-to-say how obsessed. I knew I’d like Doctor Who but I was utterly unprepared for how deeply it would get into my head. I don’t think a show’s taken hold of my mind like this since Lost and I can’t think of one before that. (Although the Hitchhiker’s Guide books did in high school.) (Which is just another reason I marvel at the fact that it took me so long to discover my inner geek. But that’s another post.)

This show’s been on my to-watch list for years and I was aware of the basics of the show. I knew what Daleks are and what the TARDIS is. And I knew that David Tennant was generally considered the favorite doctor so I was looking forward to meeting him, but I also didn’t know how very deeply I’d fall in love with him. This is partly because he is exactly my type in terms of hot guys, but even more so because he is completely awesome in pretty much every way. And when I realized he’s only the Doctor for three seasons (of which I’ve already watched two) I started getting panicky. And angry. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME? And how will I be able to move on with my life once the tenth doctor is gone? Last night a friend described saying goodbye to Tennant as “traumatic”. YES. She also went on to say she grew to love Matt Smith so there’s hope. But it’s just such a tiny, tiny bit of hope at the moment.

I’ve stopped just before the fourth series begins. Partly because I felt the need to reread Starship Titanic before the episode in which there is well, a Starship Titanic. But also because I am afraid that once I begin the season, I might not have the self control to savor it.

So for now I’m rewatching old episodes. Both of the revived show and of the older ones. The kids have watched some with me hence the Lego creations. The episodes I like best (“The Empty Child” & “Blink” are among them) hold up to several viewings, and, although the show isn’t as deep or literary as Lost was* (on the other hand, it’s also far less scattered and directionless than Lost turned out to be) (rather like this paragraph), it certainly has multiple layers and complex characters and possibly better makeup than Lost ever bothered with. And someday, I’ll be brave enough to plunge into the next series. But if I fall apart completely when Tennant leaves, will you please take care of my kids for me?

*I totally take it back. As it goes on and as I get deeper into it, I find it to be really complex, intelligent and beautiful.

Important stabby so hard.

My new favorite website: http://yes.thatcan.be/my/next/tweet/ (It gets extra points for making the URL be a sentence.) According to this site, these are things I will probably Tweet at some point.

LOVE. Grudgingly. I ASSUME.

Squished a fork. WTF sore throat?

Sadly not wearing pants.

Dear Internets: What is emo. Oh wait, never mind.

Important stabby update: Being on blues clues

Oh balls.

Reavers are great! I get an immersion blender.

Coffee. Oops.

I’m really weird. Dear Internets: What is watching Home Made Simple for me. Every color is pissed off.

Laughing quietly to it evil evil. They suck today. It’s way better than poo.

The cervix-punching was wise. Oh no!

Duuuude. Just scored 123 points on the San Onofre nuclear power plant.

The world wildlife fed sued them like a fucking room.

Elliott’s review of Firefly: WTF sore.

Dear dude I’m really sucks. In every way. Except the Ides. oh sad.

OMG THAT’S WHAT I think. At any rate he is dead as Mickey Mouse, but I’m really weird. … space donuts?

You know this morning. is more fact than fiction.

And triple check. Just made squash soup.

Tonight’s popcorn: lemon pepper. Yes. Wanna know that Wonderfalls is seriously scary to me. Every time.

And now on your daughter sings the flaky.

My kitchen was running.

Evil. You are safe. The whole point of it. Important stabby so hard.

It’s normal to spell vulva before they are stuck together.

Sad dalek is my life. just surprised.

It’s here! ♥?

And why yes, I am AWESOME. Bow to the Bieber-scented bracelet. Srsly.

PS. I’m just being woken up cause I’m using the real phone in my gparent’s old house.

Sadly not scared of the flaky.

Squished a teen.

Saw a sticker that indicated the bottom of the bottom of me. Every time.

It’s more fun with a miracle. yup. After being an immersion blender.

Temple of the shirtless Indy bits. That part doesn’t suck it.

Sad dalek ain’t appropriate.. Hells yeah. Contact paper can suck it.

Squished a miracle. yup.

True story. it’s time to get lost eight times.

Dude. I just surprised.

Found something resembling a bitchin’ rockstar from Mars. Srsly, Hilton?

Today is better when we started using the Force.

PS. I’m laughing.

I Eat Feet

10 days without a new post. Have you missed me? I bet you have.

I’ve just been, in no particular order, exhausted, super busy, sick, and watching Dr. Who (and Torchwood – who knew that wasn’t just some boring teen drama on the CW? With a name like that, it’s like they were trying to make me assume it was a spinoff of One Tree Hill). Most of you probably know the reason for my Busy – I’ve finally launched This is a Woman. And now you need to go submit entries cause you love me.

I’ve had various topics in mind to blog, but mostly I can’t remember them. What I can remember right now is how heavy my heart is over my Big Mouth. It seems I just can’t say the right thing to anyone right now. I keep saying things to people and just hurting feelings to various degrees. This is something that’s natural to my personality, but it’s not embraceable like The Flaky because this hurts people I love. Over the years I’ve tried to stifle it, but I’ve found that really just separates me from people because in fear of saying the wrong thing, I say nothing at all. Afraid to hurt or to be embarrassed, I keep a distance.

An example of what it’s like to live in my brain:
Birthdays, baby showers, etc – these are difficult for me when it comes to opening gifts. For one thing I don’t like the bit where everyone looks at me. But also because etiquette is difficult for me. Following a script seems somehow insincere. Saying “thank you” seems almost trite, perfunctory. It makes me uncomfortable to not know how to really get across the depth of my gratitude, and in fact, I am deeply grateful for the smallest idea of a gift. It doesn’t help that I’m awkward about giving hugs or knowing how to share my affection. But, of course, a lack of thanks isn’t really the right answer, either.

That’s just one example of how I am socially stupid. I’ve been really incredibly socially stupid all winter. Sometimes it’s just a little comment, sometimes an awkward thanks, other times I’ve totally and completely fucked up an entire group of people. Awhile back I mentioned there was an issue with our usual Friday afternoon group. I won’t go into details here, but I will say that when I tried to solve the problem by bringing it up to the group, the other person involved rather misunderstood my intent to keep it anonymous, brought the details out in public and it became Internet Drama. While she is the one who brought it out in front of everyone I feel like I really royally fucked up by engaging it. Looking back I should have simply responded by clarifying my intent to keep the names and details private. And now I think a large part of the group feels awkward and afraid to meet together again and I blame myself for not having the presence of mind to end that part of the conversation right away. I was confused because the subject absolutely must be discussed for me and for other families to feel safe at this gathering, and I absolutely feel it’s the right thing to bring it before the group – in an anonymous fashion. I want to apologize to the group for getting entrenched in the details, but, frankly, I’m not sure I won’t say something even worse since that seems to be my speed right now. I feel very blessed that when I say stupid shit to my friends, I know I’m still much loved, but some of these people don’t know me very well and I feel badly that I’ve made them feel awkward when they really may not know me well enough to know my intents.

I talked about this with some good friends today – about how I just can’t seem to say the right thing lately and Karen had a really good way of describing it – I’m tearing down old filters and trying to build new ones, and it’s hard. Learning lessons sucks. I would much rather download it Matrix-style so I don’t have to hurt or offend anyone and so I can remain unembarassed. Still, I guess, at the end of this phase, it will be worthwhile if it allows me to create closer and more authentic relationships with my friends. Just bear with me while I eat my feet in front of you, ok?

And now, The Smiths, accompanying me on this awkward phase of my life. How… kind?

Instamatic at the Beach

The other day my Sunday plans were canceled and I was left in this apartment all alone which felt unusually empty since the kids were gone. At first I considered activities that involved being home, and then it occurred to me that I’m a grown-up and I can totally go do things all by myself. So I went to the beach. I purposefully left my camera at home because I wanted to focus on Mother Nature herself and lose myself in the crash of the waves and the smell of the sea.

Of course I’m me and I took some photos anyway.

It worked! I got some Happy in, and some time with my spiritual side, and I got to see two cute crabs in the tide pools. Win-win-win.

Green Tweets (Cause, you know… March.)

It’s not Los Angeles until I get lost eight times.
4 Mar

Srsly, Hilton? It’s 2011. Wireless internet should be free. Fail.
5 Mar

ZebraBelly just saw Charlie Sheen’s star. The symbol indicated that he is, in fact, a bitchin’ rockstar from Mars.
5 Mar

Can someone please explain to me me why my son is TERRIFIED of people dressed as Mickey Mouse, but stormtroopers are totally ok?
6 Mar

And now I shall sleep in a pile of sand. Thanks, Venice Beach.
6 Mar

Margie, upon learning the new floor lamp will be approx her height, narrowed her eyes and declared, “It will be my nemesis.”
11 Mar

Elliott: When I’m dead I don’t listen. Cause dead people don’t talk.
11 Mar

Dear dude who works at Starbucks: it’s not EXpresso.
12 Mar

After being woken up too early and the kids fighting all morning I am pretty sure I know the real reason we’re supposed to beware the Ides.
15 Mar

Overheard at PE: “Those two moths are stuck together.” “I think that means they’re married.”
15 Mar

You know this Cat Stevens song in the JPMorgan commercial is just offensive.
15 Mar

When your daughter sings the Ramones it’s cute. When she SHOUTS “I wanna be sedated!” It’s, well, weird.
16 Mar

Elliott: “Who’s the tooth fairy? @bethanyactually?”
16 Mar

ZebraBelly has been playing so much Mario Kart that real driving is a whole new adventure.
26 Mar

ZebraBelly squished a brown (black?) widow today. I am woman, hear me roar! Also hear me scream and run to take a shower.
26 Mar

Margie, upon hearing Elliott swear he sleeps with his eyes open: Oh man, he needs some physical therapy!
27 Mar

I’m really productive today. I’m pretty sure it’s cause I’m not wearing pants. (If yoga pants don’t count.) (They don’t.)
28 Mar

It’s normal to go to CVS and walk out with a Mexican Pepsi and a welcome mat, right? I passed on the Bieber-scented bracelet. Srsly.
29 Mar

Found something resembling a piece of chocolate at the bottom of my iced Starbucks drip coffee. I ate it. Hope that was wise.
30 Mar

As a kid I once prank called a random number and asked if the fridge was running. When they said no, I recommended an appliance repair man.
31 Mar

Two recipes for you! You’re welcome.

Lavender Popcorn

Last weekend we went to Summer’s place to celebrate her birthday with a brunch. I wanted to bring something to share, but I could not figure out what was easy, cheap and quick (because I had about 45 minutes before we had to leave. What? I has mad procrastination skillz). Popcorn! But what kind of popcorn? Salt and pepper? Rosemary and garlic? It had to be something special and yet still brunchyish. Lavender. Yes. So I mixed up some lavender buds with some sugar (organic evaporated cane juice) and a little salt while the popcorn popped in coconut oil. Drizzled the popped corn with a little more oil and then tossed it in the sugar mixture. The general consensus was that it was a great idea. Even Margie, who declared she wouldn’t eat it (so I also prepared some simple EVOO and salt popcorn, too) loved it.

Good-For-You Magic Shell

A couple of years ago I made magic shell on my own and it was, indeed, magic. It was pretty much exactly like the stuff you buy in the store. But it was made with chocolate chips (or any other chocolate you want) and therefore refined sugar. I’d always wondered if I could make a more whole version with maybe raw honey and cocoa powder. So I found a recipe that called for equal parts coconut oil, raw honey and cocoa powder and mixed that up and tried it out. The flavor was delicious, but the consistency was not like the store bought kind. The honey made it much chewier than refined sugar is. So will I make it again? You bet! But I’ll also sometimes make the regular kind.