7 Days: Day 4

(Is the color off? I feel like my monitor is funky.)

Today has been much better. I had a good night’s sleep and the kids are well again! Woohoo!

(There is still mess, but at least I got to vacuum under it – I can handle toys strewn about, but not along with crumbs.)

So nearly two weeks ago, I decided to knit my first pair of socks. That quickly got put on the backburner as I decided to whip up this hat quickly so I could hide my bad hair while at Disneyland. That, obviously, did not go as planned. Since I sort of made this up as I went along, and changed my mind about the basic pattern once I started, it ended up too big and I had to frog the whole thing and start over, thus putting me too far behind schedule.

You can see the finished product here. Pretty cute if I do say so myself.

7 Days: Day 3 – Sick Day

I am SO disappointed in this picture, I really wish I had it in me to be more creative, but I just don’t right now.

Three nights of 6 or less hours of sleep
+ plus one pukey kid
+ another also sick kid
+ being too tired and loopy to catch up on house or school work
= me feeling like crap emotionally.

Tomorrow is a new day. There may also be puke involved, but I think if I can just get some REST in between, I will be able to catch up on other stuff tomorrow and therefore be in a saner mindset.

In any case I did enjoy my lunch which was a microwaveable meal (Pad Thai) from Trader Joe’s. I am pretending the mess you see beyond that does not exist.

7 Days: Day 2 – Yellow

There is not much yellow in my life today. Not to say I am unhappy – I just mean there is literally not much yellow in my life today! It’s a cold and gray day (wasn’t prepared based on yesterday’s hot and sunny weather) and my clothes are brown and black. But I have this bouquet of daffodils on the altar to bring some Springtime inside, so I grabbed one for today’s theme. (And here you cheer me for remembering the theme!)

7 Days: Day 1 Official Disneyland Self-Portrait

Disneyland after dark. It was an absolutely FANTASTIC day! A day full of laughter and fun and pirates and rides.

Disneyland is for Grownups

Or it is at least a very different experience without kids. For one thing I did not see ONE character in costume all day long. It was very strange.

Despite leaving my house before 7am, we did not actually get inside the park until after 11am – I think its rather hard to coordinate a large group of people, particularly when said group of people each have their own Starbucks runs to complete.

Even so, it was a really great day. I got to ride Indy for the first time in nearly 8 years (“riding Indy” sounds kind of dirty, but I’m totally OK with that), Haunted Mansion without traumatizing any kids and I did not have to suffer through Toon Town at all!

For years I’ve listened to various friends promising me that rollercoasters at Disneyland are not scary at all, and have, in fact, converted several people who previously (like me) would never step foot on a rollercoatser. So I figured that spending a day with a bunch of grownups at Disneyland would probably end with me riding some big scary ride or another. I didn’t feel particularly nervous about this – despite all the time we spent discussing how people had died on various rides – but I sat out on Big Thunder Mountain anyway. Of course, when I saw all these tiny kids getting off the ride, I felt sheepish (not to be confused with goatish) because I am a grownup person and so should not be out-coastered by eight-year-olds.

So I let them talk me into riding the Matterhorn. Which was a really bad idea, actually.

Rationally, I knew I’d live. I thought I might even discover I liked these rides after all, like so many converts before me. I didn’t fear the monster, even though they admitted that it was, actually, the scary part. Essentially, I knew people rode this all day long FOR FUN and dammit, I was going to enjoy this.

And I was wrong. But I tried! I am quite proud to admit I even opened my eyes a couple of times, but in the end I don’t like all the movement – it’s just too much for me and I was miserable. I braced myself against it, kept my head down, and tried to find a happy place. As the ride ended, I tried to contain myself and pretend I am 31 years old, but I lost control and actually did cry. Which, frankly, is pretty damn funny, and I like to imagine all the little kids getting off the ride behind me must have been confused and maybe I will even live on in their dreams as the old lady who cried on the bobsleds. I’m OK with that. But more OK with riding Indy.

Anyway, I am 100% glad I went. I even got a Matterhorn pressed penny from the Main Street Penny Arcade to commemorate the occasion. I consider it a medal. Or, you know, a pressed penny.

And I don’t know why I like Indiana Jones, but the Matterhorn sends me to tears. Go figure. Maybe it’s just the rides that kids can go on that terrify me. In any case, I think crying gets people off your back so I never did have to try Space Mountain.

Somewhere towards Dark, Brandon lost his ticket so that he would not be able to do the park hopping it allows. He was feeling pretty upset and we were wondering what to do next when I suggested he go to City Hall and see if they could help him. He was, after all, inside the park already. Sure enough when he walked in all he had to say was, “Hi, I’ve lost my t-” before the Disneyland employee started pretty much throwing tickets at him. No one can say Customer Service at Disney isn’t the best EVER.

Also while we were in there, the same employee noticed Summer’s name on her birthday badge and, after confirming that she was, indeed, Summer from San Diego, he informed her she had a message waiting for her.

“Is it Mickey?” She asked.
“It is definitely not Mickey!” He replied.

And he spoke the truth – actually, it was Goofy.

Our last stop (mine and Katie’s anyway since we drove home that night while everyone else stayed in a hotel) was back over a California Adventure for Soarin’ and Screamin’. (It occurs to me that DCA seems to have a problem adding the last “g” onto some words.) And I assure you I did NOT scream. But I did step across the ride after having waited in line with my friends so I felt some of the thrill of it. Also I got this picture of everyone except Summer who was not hiding on purpose.

It was a fantastic day, filled with happy and hilarious memories. I’m so glad I got to spend my frister’s 30th birthday with her. After all, not everyone gets to have a frister.

Clicky here for the whole set.

On Why Men Should Never Think For Themselves

We have been very worried about how the older child would handle the fact that I was going to Disneyland without her. At first we both firmly agreed that she must never find out, but as time went on that plan became obviously faulty. Mainly because I have never just left the kids alone and gone somewhere for so very long – so it would be very obviously different. The Daughter is also very demanding about answers and we knew we could not get out of this one without directly lying – which was out of the question. So, a few nights ago, we decided to tell her. The next morning, I left The Husband unsupservised with the kids while it was my turn to sleep in and when I woke up he informed me he’d told her, but hadn’t told her where I was going, just that it was somewhere “special”. As he left, he gave her a reminder which I will DIRECTLY QUOTE HERE: “M, remember not to pester mom about the special place she is going, OK?”

To which she replied by pestering me and dragging it out of me before lunch.

That afternoon, The Husband called me and asked if he handled it ok. To which I replied, “THE HELL YOU DID! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

Luckily for him, the kid is handling it miraculously FINE. (Possibly because she knows I would kill her father if things didn’t go well from this point on?) We are pretty much both floored by her reaction. She and I have calmly discussed what she wants me to bring her, what I should bring her brother, what she and dad and brub will do on the weekend, and we’ve even been listening to my Disneyland Soundtrack. It is truly awesome.

All that said, I think tomorrow I might be forced upon Space Mountain for the first time ever. Say a prayer for me, OK? I may very well go catatonic.

Making Me Happy

I’ve been feeling low lately but I am unwilling to go there again. Mostly, I get sucked into my computer (bad, internets, being so interesting!). But that doesn’t make me any happier. So today I am working on Happiness.

I have already taken care of the GIANT pile of stuff hanging out in the corner of my dining room. Filed what needed to be filed, put away what needed to be put away, tossed what needed to be tossed (or, you know, recycled), and whittled it down to a very small to-to pile.

I also cleaned up my bedroom. I tossed all the toys at the kids for them to put away (and the kids happily ignored me and there the toys lay where they landed in the living room), put books on shelves, kinda sorta organized part of the closet, made the bed, folded the blankets, and tossed The Husband’s random crap (90% of which were ponytail holders) into his bathroom drawer. I now have a very small pile of hand-wash-only clothes which has been sitting there for months but which WILL BE DONE TODAY. There are also some random large items on the floor which I have no space for – two box fans, a tool box and a breadmaker (because, as it turns out, if you loiter on dark streets, women will drive by in minivans and throw them at you – so now I have two and have not yet started making bread again).

This is not the end, though. I have another “inbox” pile next to the computer which frightens me. Not to mention that The Husband’s piles are slowly growing. I need a storage space. I am thinking of renting one because FRACK the clutter is killing me. And if I could maybe put the Christmas decorations out of my closet for 11 months of the year, I’d be able to organize things much better. Don’t you think?

Anyway, I am feeling much better already. It is such a balance between allowing myself to be happy even if things aren’t magazine-decorator-perfect and recognizing that certain amounts of not-perfect really do take a toll on my mental health. So I will continue working on clutter and continue working on me and somewhere, I hope, they might meet in the middle.

Also, did I mention I am going to Disneyland? WITHOUT KIDS?

Fat

I am so sick.and.tired of being fat.

I don’t particularly like the way I look, but what’s unbearable for me is the way I feel. There are no clothes left that fit me right, aside from my fancy Enwrapture Skirts and yoga pants (which showcase the lovely fat & skin I have roundabouts my abdomen). I can’t find shirts that fit anymore – in part because of my tall torso, but also because designers hate plus-size women. I find that, even if I could afford Torrid or Lane Bryant, the shirts are too short and wide to look good on me. Pants don’t stay up on me no matter what size I buy. I don’t care if I have to buy a size bigger – if it looks and feels good, I’m happy. My problem is that I can’t find anything that does look or feel good.

*sigh*

I have spent much time on this problem – particularly last year. I was sugar-free for a long time. I watched my fats (the bad ones, anyway), ate well, exercised regularly and yet there was zero weight loss. In fact, I have gained about 15 pounds over the last year. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I’m planning to have my thyroid checked (again) and I hope for some better answers this time. Not that thyroid problems are a bow of cherries, or anything, but damn, an answer would at least be a relief.

And then, last week, a friend posted this blog entry which threw me for a loop. At first I felt like it really hit home. After all, my anxiety of the past three and a half years really does make my mind act as though I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop – could it be making me hold on to weight? Maybe. On the other hand, I’ve also spent the last three years working so hard at letting go and I think I do a fairly good job now. Not perfect, but enough that – if this is related – I would think I would have seen a difference in the past year.

*sigh*

I began this year working out and I felt SO GOOD. I could feel how fit my body was getting each week. Exercises were easier, I could walk farther faster for longer periods of time, I had more energy – clearly it was working. And yet, the weight gain continued.

So I have spent the last three weeks wallowing in self-pity and doing nothing and caring little. That didn’t work, either.

I am ready to give it a go again. Focusing on exercise, since that felt so good all around and just ignoring my weight. I have made peace with my size as much as possible right now, I will wear clothes that make me feel good even if I wear the same outfit daily, and I will keep adorning myself with jewelry daily as it makes me feel special and beautiful. I’ll focus on eating veggies, but will not be terribly strict at this moment on the rest of my diet (which is fairly good in general, anyway) so that I can devote my energies to these other first steps.

I just don’t know how to keep myself motivated. I tend not to write about this here because generally when I do, I fall right off the wagon (knock wood!). I am not – NOT – going to try to lose weight right now. Maybe that is what will help me stay with my goals this time? I’m just going to focus on feeling good and finding clothes that make me look as good as I want to feel. Fat can be beautiful, too, and if that’s who I have to be, that’s who I have to be – but I can be healthy, too. And, perhaps, someday the two will work things out for themselves, or maybe I will find some other reason for my weight. But in the mean time, I’m just going to love me.

Of course. It’s about that time that they aimed to show the documentary on TV over in the UK so who knows how I will feel after that. Heh.

Socks!

It was that kind of a day – rainy and lovely and quiet. Just begging for a hot coconut mocha and knitting.

I have decided to try my hand at socks. Or hands, actually, as I’m not sure I could do it one-handed. I’ve been feeling the sock urge coming on for awhile now and while at Borders this weekend taking advantage of a birthday gift card and their Educator Appreciation Week, I picked up this book. It does not have a beginner sock pattern, but I feel like I know enough (and know of enough resources to help me through the difficult bits) to give it a shot.

I visited the knitting store today to buy some yarn and was talked out of sock yarn (I’m totally OK with that) and into buying a beginner’s sock pattern (which I wish I hadn’t done – there must be a free one online, no?). As it turns out the pattern is horribly complicated – or perhaps annoyingly simplified, depending on how you look at it – and I am back to my original idea of just winging it by following the directions in the book.

All that to say, simply, I’ve begun. You can follow my progress on Ravelry if you have an account and if I remember to post my progress.

A Lesson in LOLcats

And a defense on why they ARE SO(!!!) funny.

A couple of nights ago I went out to dinner with some friends and the table was very nearly evenly divided among the LOLfans and the LOLhaters. We were just waiting on Luci to make up her mind as to which side to join. I don’t know that she ever did, so here I am (in ur computer) swaying the vote. LOLlovers will WIN. No pressure or anything, Luci, but if you want to be cool, you’ll pick our side.

I don’t know exactly where or when LOLcats began, but they are quite controversial (as representated by our table at dinner). Admittedly, there are quite a few which are simply not funny, or which go too far with the bad spelling. If I have to spend more time trying to translate what you wrote than I do on actually laughing, it’s too much – tone it down a bit, mkay? It seems that as time goes on the truly funny LOLcats are fewer and farther between – I suspect this is because there is a finite amount of funny LOLs out there floating around the Universe waiting to be used. So there is sometimes a lot of unfunny or even completely annoying LOLs to sift through, but the gems are worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the beginning was HappyCat. I actually don’t understand this one, but it will be on the quiz so take notes.

Which is strange because you would think that in the beginning was Ceiling Cat.

But you cannot have a Power of Good without an equal Power of Evil. Thus, behold Basement Cat.

A common LOLcat formula is “I’m in your blank, blanking your blank”. Usually the “your” is represented by “ur” which I, personally, think is way cuter, but I understand those who disagree.

(See? They can be smart, too!)

But some of my very favorite LOLs come in the “invisible” variety. (Which is, by the way, an example of how not all LOLcats need improper spelling or grammar.)

Not all LOLs are of the cat variety. The LOLrus is a very poorly named seal who was famous in Japan for his bucket tricks, he has since passed on. I don’t really get this one, either, but again, no LOL-education is complete without studying the LOLrus and his Bucket Saga.

Some cats which do not fit into any other category but without which your education is not complete (or else they are just cute).

Lastly, for those of you who consider the poor grammar and spelling to be offensive to Cats of the World, you are not the only one.

You can find your daily LOL at I Can Has Cheezburger?