I don’t have time to make this very well written right now as I have to run off to ST for the littler child and then to spend all day carving and baking in preperation for tomorrow, but I wanted to get this out there and maybe hear some opinions.
I am happy to lead when it comes to various groups I am a part of. But I am terrified to have to speak in front of people. I cannot command attention well, and I feel shy and shaky and sick to my stomach when I have to. Even when those people I am trying to lead happen to be children. Sometimes especially when those people are children.
There are two instances recently I have gotten myself into where I am at least somewhat expected to lead groups of kids. I have told the others involved that I want to help in any capacity that does not require me to be the teacher, but saying so makes me feel guilty – as though I am pushing the work off on others. And I am afraid I may be seen that way as well. I felt it was better to be up front about what I felt I could handle from the beginning, but actually saying those words out loud to people makes me wonder if I was wrong? I feel as though The Universe is sending me a message, giving me a new assignment for self-growth, but I feel ornery about that. I feel like I am working on myself in so many other ways right now and I’d like to put this on the backburner for at least a little while.
In the end, I think I do not have much choice about church at least – there are so few of us on the RE committee, I kind of HAVE to take the lead at some point or force the others to do all the work all the time.
*sigh*
What do you think? Am I being selfish and it’s time to grow up? Or is it OK to speak up about what I cannot handle right now, but be more than willing to help in any other capacity? Do you have any experiences which have forced you into an uncomfortable position? How did you feel? How did you handle it?
