The thing about changing diapers is that kids tend to have hands. And they tend to want to explore things with their hands. And when you uncover all the fancy stuff they have underneath their diaper, they tend to like to play with it. Even if you are changing, say, a poopy diaper. So I try to give my son two objects to hold and sometimes it works, and other times those objects become tools with which to explore the privates and the poop. Many times changing a dipe becomes a circus act with my one hand batting away his attempts, my midsection on guard in case he decides to jump off the table, and my other hand doing all the clean-up work – all while I chant, “Don’t touch the poo!”
Today my daughter wanted to help me parent by yelling at her brother.
Daughter: Baby E! Stop putting that in the poop!
Me: Let me be the mommy, OK? When you have your own kids you can tell them what not to put in their poop. For now let me do it.
Daughter: I’m not going to be a mom.
Me: Well, then you will never have the joy of telling someone not to stick a harmonica in their poop.
Daughter: (Crestfallen) Really? Never?
I think I should become a saleswoman if I can sell that so well that she wants to have kids just to teach them to avoid covering musical instruments in doody. I am awesome.
And I want to note here that the harmonica remained totally clean the entire time.